Indecisive, adj: (of a person) not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively
If you’ve followed my blog over the past two years or so I’ve touched upon various work related issues and changes. It’s been a tumultuous two years at my current employer, to say the least. It started in May 2018 when my former boss, who was beloved to our department, who hired me, who coached and mentored me for 6 years, was abruptly laid off during a mass layoff. Since then I’ve had four different bosses (including my current boss.) Most of our Tech/IT Department has been outsourced to India. Layoffs in Marketing. When I was on my maternity leave last summer it was announced most of Finance was also being laid off and outsourced to India – only managers were being “retained” or “not impacted” so there is one person at corporate office from each subarea but all the workers are in India. My entire team was laid off and has been transitioned or is in the process of being transitioned to “offshore,” and calling the whole knowledge transfer and training process a shitshow is being kind. It SUCKS and there is too much to even get into, it would take me hours to write about all the screw ups, false starts and mismanagement by the project managers. There’s been massive turnover at all levels, including people who are “retained”, because nobody wants to be last man standing holding the bag for all the work that’s being screwed up or not done that’s piling up. Nobody wants to be under the pile. Turnover at the C-suite level too- three CFO’s in the past two years. No stability, no consistency. Just a hot mess and every day there is a new drama. I’d talk about the most recent drama of the past two weeks but doing so might give too much of my anonymity away. The Glassdoor reviews are HARSH, and mostly TRUE!
So, while I haven’t been exactly HAPPY and I’ve been aggravated more often than not at work, there are benefits. Such as five weeks vacation, 18 minute commute, and flexibility – my current boss has no clue who is coming or going and as long as you can answer his questions and the work gets done I just don’t think he cares. They’ve lost so many people that they basically let people do whatever they want to keep them. Work from home two days a week? OK. Come in late, leave early? Whatever. I am honest and get the work done either way but the flexibility has been…. nice. Especially with a three year old and an infant. And not what I’ve had in the past. My salary is okay, I was much happier with it BEFORE all this bullshit and I’m definitely getting to the point where I want more money if they want me to deal with the crap that’s going on. Having to apologize for people in India, when I had no choice in selecting them and no choice in this whole business model, is definitely irksome and I’ve been biting my tongue and doing it but it’s frustrating. Also, the organization is so flat now that there’s no clear growth path or opportunity for me look forward.
However back in September my old boss contacted me about a job she had open at her new place of employment. It was a step down in title, which I wasn’t thrilled about but justified it by saying that I have MORE responsibility and stress at home with two kids now so perhaps having LESS responsibility and stress at work would be okay. It’s a longer commute – more than double the commute I have now which is probably my biggest concern and what I consider the biggest drawback. But I went in an interviewed with the Treasurer and one of the other Directors. About a week after that their HR people called me and told me the job was being put on hold, they didn’t say it outright but it was a hiring freeze. They’d get back to mea after the new year. Fine.
In the meantime I’d been toiling away on this India transition and now this feels like my new normal. My old boss contacts me last week an the job is open again. But the title changed to a step up, so it’s the same exact title as I have now. No step down. I mentioned my concerns about the longer commute, getting home later so less time with my kids, etc. and she tells me I can leave early every day if I want. Ok. But if I’m interested I need to reapply again and go through the process, they still have to post it for two weeks per their company policy. Ok.
I can’t figure out why am I not jumping up and down and thrilled for a very good opportunity to get out of the shitshow I’ve been in for so long? I feel very wishy washy about this. I’m not thrilled about the longer commute. There’s no official offer on the table yet although she said I was their top choice in the fall and given our past history together – the job is basically mine if I want it. Obviously I need to have an offer in hand to fully weigh this out – if the money is way off from what I’m getting now then that’s a problem. I also told them in the fall I don’t want to go back to two weeks vacation and that won’t work for me – they said they could “work with me” on it, typical HR response.
Pros of potential new job: out of the drama and instablility (hopefully this new place isn’t as tumultuous), no India outsourcing for IT, no managing a team in India, a boss I know and like that can teach me new things, room for growth when my old boss retires, hopefully a company that has more respect for employees and understands that perks does not equal culture, fresh start, it’s not in the city and a lot of open jobs right now are in the city, I won’t have an opportunity to walk into a new job knowing the boss and her style, and her knowing me and my capabilities, in any other opportunity that presents itself in the future should I decide not to take this
Cons of potential new job: longer commute (more than double), less flexibility, less vacation (probably), have to make new friends (this sounds ridiculous but I really don’t feel like having to put myself out there like that to have to be an extrovert and make new friends), further away from the kids and our life (doctors, dentists, schools) during the day, having to learn new systems and new processes, walking into unknown situation – all companies have their problems, what if the problems there are worse and the grass isn’t greener – I just don’t know
Unknown: salary, benefits cost (I carry the benefits for our family, The Husband works for his family business and the benefits cost is crazy and the benefits aren’t very good)
I do not think I can justify accepting a position at a company with a longer commute, less money and less vacation. The longer commute is a given. So then it comes down to money and vacation time, and a promise that I can have SOME flexibility.
I am really just torn. If I didn’t have two young kids I probably wouldn’t care so much about the commute, being further away and flexibility. But I do.
I keep looking for signs. Either I’m not getting any or I’m missing them.