Bye, 2019

Bye, 2019. Thank you for helping me welcome my daughter, safely and healthy. Thank you for a wonderful 4 month maternity leave with her during prime summer/fall months. Thank you for an amazing toddler year with McLovin, watching him grow and learn is such a joy (although potty training has been a big fail right now.) thank you for being mostly kind.

The end of the decade is here, and my life has changed so much over ten years. New (old) house, new job, two babies. Three heartbreaking pregnancy losses. One heartbreaking pet loss. Trials with my brother and his substance abuse. The loss of a lifelong childhood friend this past September. Countless parties and celebrations and dinners out with friends and vacations. Life has happened.

The majority of 2014 and 2015 seem like a blur. I was just trying to get by. Then 2017, 2018 and 2019 seemed to go by at warp speed in comparison.

Parenting a three year old and a 6 month old means there’s not a lot of time left for me, or left for “us” as a couple. RBG is still exclusively breastfed and I love those cuddles and our time to slow down together. Some days it feels like going to her room and rocking in the glider with her are the only times I get to “myself” and to take a time out.

Work is stressful. So much is going on and changing and I was unhappy before RBG was born so I shouldn’t be surprised that going back from maternity leave I’m still unhappy. I went on a job interview at a different company in October and was told in November the job is on hold until after the holidays. A hiring freeze I presume. The first interview I’ve been on in 7 years, I never felt the urge until now, when I returned from an amazing maternity leave to a miserable situation. I continue to vacillate on what to do. I’m unhappy and stressed but the location is so close to home that any new offer would have to be very, very compelling to make up for losing an ideal location and commute.

For now I am looking back on the past week I got to spend with my two beautiful amazing living children, their first Christmas together as siblings, an enjoyable and busy week off with them. Looking forward to a short work week this week, and to finishing my Schitt’s Creek marathon with my time off this week. How did I not watch this show until now?!!!

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