Mele Kalikimaka III

No, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth.

We’ve moved in to our new home and are closing on the sale of our old home early next month. Packing, moving and unpacking is tough – add a one year old in to the mix and it’s even tougher. We are hosting Christmas lunch at our new house and I’ve been grocery shopping, Christmas shopping and unpacking – along with a full time job. My free time is sleeping at night, but this will pass. The worst of it will be over come Monday…

Come Monday, it’ll be alright….

I digress.

Before I wrote this I read some of my posts about Christmas from years past. I remember the pain, I remember the heartache but it seems so long ago. Four years ago I spent Christmas pregnant with my first pregnancy; that was the only Christmas I was pregnant. I don’t remember that Christmas well and I don’t have any pictures from that year. I have pictures from almost every other year but that one.

It almost feels like I’ve left that part of me behind, the “me” from that year. It felt that way when we moved this month too –  moved out of our first house as a married couple, we lived almost all of our ups and downs as a couple there. We brought our first dog home there. I found out I was pregnant with all four pregnancies there. I spent that terrible last night there. I cried in sadness there, I screamed out of anger there, I hoped throughout my pregnancy with McLovin there, and we brought McLovin home there. It was his first home. It was the place where I was “with” my other babies – even though they were never born alive they were with me, in me, there. Some people might think it’d be easy to move on, and get away from the bad memories. And in a way it does feel good to be out of the place where we lived through those bad moments but it’s also kind of bittersweet. Will their souls find me here?

The holidays can be difficult and sometimes we need reminders to be kind to ourselves and to allow ourselves the space we need. The pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, cute family photos were always tough (and sometimes still sting) but more so over the holidays. Skip the party if you need to; stay home and play hooky or play sick. Personally I hate driving to three or four places/parties over the 24 hours and so I’m not doing it this year. It’s my holiday too and I need to make traditions for my family and it doesn’t necessarily involve pleasing everyone I know. I don’t want to upset anyone, but I also owe it to myself and The Husband and McLovin to make the holiday happy and easy for them. And I don’t think McLovin would be happy being dragged from place to place all day, so I am saying NO!

So here is your reminder – be kind to yourself.

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12 Responses to Mele Kalikimaka III

  1. sbach1222 says:

    I completely understand about missing your old home, ones filled with heartache but also joy. It’s been almost 4 months since we said goodbye to that exact house for us. And I still miss it. I still don’t feel ‘home’ all of the time yet. But new memories will be made and I’m sure we will both feel ‘home’ soon.

    Comgrats on the new house and sale of your previous one!!!

    Also, I love that you are making your own traditions and saying no to running around like crazy!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rachela28 says:

    Yes, it’s time to make your own traditions as a family. Things have changed so others should be understanding of that. Merry Christmas, enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lyra211 says:

    I was just thinking about you today, and how it has taken so ridiculously long for you to get any results back from the testing you went through. I’m glad that you’ve got a fresh start in a new home, and I’m personally quite certain that the souls of your little ones will find you there. Mele Kalikimaka to you too!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 30yroldnothing says:

    Congrats again on the new house!! I would be sad to move too. Even with all the “bad” memories.
    I hope you had a successful christmas in the new digs.! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Welcome to your next chapter. I hope you had a peaceful, loving and caring Christmas and enjoy welcoming the new year in your new home. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. KT says:

    I feel the exact same way about our current house. We talk about selling it and all I can think of is it is the only place that all my babies will have ever “lived”. All seven of our pregnancies were in that house and the thought of leaving the place were we experienced it all is so tough. I hope you’re enjoying your new home and settling in well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad you get it! I felt a little strange writing those feelings out and talking about them with The Husband but I feel validated after reading this now! Yes we are enjoying our new space and making it our own room by room. xxx.

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