I received an email today from our genetic counselor, and the final question gave me pause – “Can you pinpoint anything in particular that helped you cope? I am always looking for insight, feedback and ways to coach students through supporting couples.”
I had a take a timeout from my indignant outrage over ridiculous statements from our president and the people in my social media feed sharing ridiculous memes. #TakeAKnee. And I’m still not sure I have an answer yet.
A major outlet for me was this blog, obviously. The simple act of getting my thoughts written and out of me, so to speak, helped. IRL I am much more reserved and not particularly verbose, and I haven’t shared much of this journey, the real in-depth feelings and emotions, with people in my every day life. Not many people know that I lost three babies, not just the one. Sharing my journey here, and reading about other people’s journeys, was real eye opening and an immense help. And having The Husband’s support, obviously, it’s hard to get by without your partner. I think that goes without saying.
I’m am atheist and wasn’t relying on any deep faith, scripture or belief in a deity to help guide me. I didn’t go to a therapist. I didn’t have genetic testing results to help make decisions any easier (and, for those keeping track, two years after my last loss I still don’t have those damn results back yet).
I don’t feel like I have a real good answer to the question. I thought perhaps writing about it would help point me towards an answer, a thought, something. How does anyone cope through anything? How are the people in Puerto Rico or the Caribbean coping right now with their homes and livelihoods devastated? How do the families of service men and women overseas cope? How do the people of South Korea and Japan cope with an unstable neighbor who might or might not obliterate them? I guess you just do what you have to do.
It was just following a feeling in my gut that it wasn’t over and to keep going. Maybe it was belief in that helped me through.