Thoughts On Mother’s Day

On this day last year: Mother’s Day. I went to a brunch at a nearby function facility with my mother and grandmother. Neither knew I was pregnant; in fact, my mother commented that I looked like I lost weight. The three plate fulls of food argued otherwise. I was still in the first trimester. I remember that as we were leaving I used the ladies room and dropped my phone in there. I had to run back in after just about pulling out of the parking lot to leave. I remember seeing all the young kids with their mothers and wondering if next year it would be me. I remember fantasizing about it in my mind, wondering what it would be like.

Now McLovin is here. He was there last year too, in a way. We are going to brunch with my mother and grandmother at one of our local country clubs. The Husband goes to lunch with his mother, aunts and grandmother and I go to brunch with my mother and grandmother. That’s the way it’s always been; I joined them for one of their lunches many years ago and I was NOT a fan of the restaurant or food so I never went again. Well, today she showed up bright and early to watch McLovin, as she does every Monday and Wednesday. And asked “Is McLovin coming with The Husband on Sunday?” To be honest, I forgot all about Sunday. When Mother’s Day has been awful trigger for years, you tend not to think about it much or count down the days. I asked, “What’s Sunday? Where is The Husband going?” And she reminded me that it’s Mother’s Day. And said “McLovin is coming to lunch with The Husband, yes?” Nodding her head yes, as if by doing that I would agree. I told her that, McLovin and I are going to brunch with my mother and grandmother and we aren’t going to rush, so I don’t know what time we’ll be home. Maybe if we are home on time, McLovin will go with The Husband. Maybe not. She then commented that surely I’d want the afternoon to myself and she and her sisters would love holding him.

Grrrrrr.

In years past I would see all the picture perfect photos on social media of others and their “perfect” Mothers Day celebrations. Some women with their kids; some women without their kids and toasting themselves. My best friend M would always get together with her mother, sister and some of their mother/daughter friends sets. They’d leave the kids at home and drive to Newport for lunch and drinks. This year I was invited, with my mother of course. “Leaving the kids at home with the men, going for lunch + drinks and having a day off from it all. LMK if you want to go.” I would always have a pang of envy when I saw the yearly photo of them all out by the water, smiling and celebrating themselves. They were mothers and I was not, at least not in the way that mattered to society. But now I’ve been invited, I’M IN THE CLUB, and I’m not sure that I want to go! It’s interesting to me that for them, Mother’s Day is about being WITHOUT the kids. And when I think about it tonight, right now, I think about being with McLovin and doing something fun as a family – a walk on the beach, a walk around the park, visiting a zoo. It’s not a judgment on them, or on how they view/acknowledge the holiday, just an observation.

I’ve waited and struggled through three Mother’s Days since my first loss (Mothers’ Days? What is the appropriate plural?!?!)  I’ve struggled with the grief and sadness and anger.  Maybe I want to be with my son. Yes, maybe I’ll go for a pedicure or for a run or go shopping in the afternoon by myself. Maybe I won’t.  But I don’t need my MIL putting her two cents in and assuming what I do or don’t want. I don’t need a big celebration or a big gift, I just want to have a good day being a mom to my boy. And if that includes an hour or two of some mental health “Me Time”, then so be it!

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18 Responses to Thoughts On Mother’s Day

  1. sbach1222 says:

    Totally agree. I just want to spend Mother’s Day with the son I’ve been longing for for so long now. Preferably, no MILs included!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have one rule with mothers day and fathers day – it’s about spending the day as a family. Granted my mom is no longer alive and Mr. MPBs lives far away. But still, I find it interesting that anyone would expect you not to spend your first mothers day with your son. I guess, I say, it’s YOUR mothers day so do whatever YOU want to do! And I hope you have you a wonderful day whatever you decide. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lyra211 says:

    Yeah, on Mother’s Day… I want my baby!!! All my childhood memories of Mother’s Day are about spending time with my mom… it just seems natural that I should want to spend the day with my best little guy. I think this is one of those situations where you just have to take the high road: next time you see her, tell MIL “Oh, it was SO kind of you to offer to watch McLovin’ on Sunday, but I just can’t wait to spend Mother’s Day with him — my mom and grandmother are looking forward to it too!” I mean, she spends several days a week with him — it’s not like you’re depriving her of grandbaby time! Clearly SHE wants to spend Mother’s Day with her son, so I’d think she’d understand that you’d want to spend it with yours!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. MIL can suck it! What a greedy entitled hag–she gets 2 days per week! Mothers day is YOUR day and I’m sure your family would like to spend time with you both. Make sure the husband tells her she was out of line and not to mention it again. Happy Mother’s Day! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hear you. I would’ve been peeved too. Maybe she meant well but why start with “here’s what I want/think for you”? Ugh. Sadly as someone without a mother I still find Mother’s Day very bittersweet. But I don’t much feel like being away from the family I worked so hard to have either. Not the whole day anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s exactly right. I worked hard for this and I want to enjoy it! Preferably with the son I worked so hard to bring in to this world. I want to believe she meant well and just went about it the wrong way. Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since she’s providing us free child care and enabling me to go back to work… makes it easier if I try to think good things! 🙂
      I hope Mothers Day has a bit of joy for you this year with MT and Baby A. I recall from your last posts that you were struggling a bit and working through some grief. I hope it’s been better for you as of late.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy Mommas Day friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jwhitworth7 says:

    I really can’t wrap my mind around not spending the day with family (your children). I mean not that it’s not okay but for me it’s not what I would prefer. Instead I’d like to spend the day as a family and then ideally be given a spa day to use at a later date. 😉 enjoy you day even though it brings with it complicated emotions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, at least M was understanding when I explained to her why I was skipping out on her invite. She totally got it, no pressure there. MIL, on the other hand… we’ll see what the weekend brings.
      I hope you enjoy your day as well! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. RJ says:

    I would want my baby on Mother’s Day too!! It’s so hard to navigate family drama and having a kid just makes it worse.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. G E says:

    Happy Mother’s Day! It’s your day so do as you’d like… meaning spend it with your adorable son.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We spent the day together, had a delicious brunch then went for ice cream the three of us before dinner. Actually, instead of dinner for me because it was so filling. I’m okay with that though 😉 Happy Mother’s Day to you too.

      Like

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