After this weekend I will be six weeks. I haven’t reached out to Dr. T, Dr. F or E. I feel like once I do that, shit will get REAL. Not that it isn’t real now, but then I will have to start thinking of appointments and testing and I don’t feel like I will be able to stay in my little bubble. If I don’t see them, they can’t tell me anything is wrong.
I am doing okay in my bubble. Keeping myself occupied. For the most part I have been hopeful, but it seems there is a correlation between my mental well being and my physical well being – as I start to feel a little more tired, my stomach a little more upset, then I start to feel less hopeful and start to really question why I am doing this again.
I don’t feel that bad physically, yet – not compared to this time in my last pregnancy. I was looking back at an entry from my last pregnancy when I was almost exactly as far along as I am now, and I remember writing it and everything that happened that day, and I don’t feel half as sick or tired as I did then. I don’t know if this is good or bad. It is probably neither – it just is. I shouldn’t be comparing pregnancies like that anyway.