March 6, 2016


We have started having unprotected sex again. I guess we aren’t preventing, but we aren’t “trying.” Let the chips fall where they may.

I am terrified but also, strangely enough, hopeful. I don’t know which is stronger. But I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. We don’t have our test results back, but who knows how much longer I’d be waiting if I waited on that. Based on what’s transpired since the fall I don’t have much faith that I’ll get the results back soon.

Will we get pregnant right away? Probably not. Our past pregnancies took four months, one month, then five months. So maybe, perhaps, we will get our test results back before we are successful in getting pregnant. Or maybe by the end of the month I’ll be pregnant. I don’t know.

I just keep thinking of what ifs. Anencephaly and kidney issues are the first that come to mind. Then my mind wanders – placenta accreta, incompetent cervix, blood clots, spina bifida, Down Syndome, Trisomy 13 or 18, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, cord accident…. choose your poison.

The Husband is calm. He is actually happy to try again, I think because he is anticipating having more sex than usual. He has his doubts, worries, but they aren’t at the forefront. They are in a box stashed away in the back of his mind. I wish I had a box like that.


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6 Responses to March 6, 2016

  1. What an amazing post. I love that you are releasing your posts one year to the day from when they were written.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The man box. How many times have I longed for such a thing. This post seems so magical now, a year later.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jivf says:

    I’ve been wondering about these posts – so glad you decided to publish. It’s especially interesting to read now that we know how it ends a year later!

    Liked by 1 person

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