My little McLovin is two months old tomorrow. I can’t believe it has already been two months! It’s been the shortest, most trying, most amazing two months.
I feel like we just brought him home. But, he is growing and changing all the time. When he first started growing out of his newborn sized clothes I felt nostalgic; already? Isn’t he still a newborn baby? I suppose it’s exactly as they say, he will always be a baby to me.
As fun as it is to see him become more alert and aware, it also makes my heart ache when I see the photos from the hospital and when we first brought him home. So tiny in his swaddle; just a little babe who slept all the time and didn’t move much. Holding him all the time, he looked like a little doll. Now he has his social smile, and he’s found his hand and I’ve caught him sucking his thumb occasionally. He loves his rainforest gym, and I enjoy each morning putting him there after I’ve fed him and he’s alert, and I grab myself a yogurt and some fruit and watch him kick and move and stare at the lights. We are still co-sleeping in our bedroom, with him in his Halo Bassinest. I love having him so close to us. Last night I heard him rustling around and making some grunts, so I sat up to lean over and check on him and was greeted by a smile when he saw my face. I love his smile, but not at midnight when he’s supposed to be sleeping! One thing that has happened occasionally is that I startle myself awake in the middle of the night thinking I fell asleep with him in my arms and now he got squished in bed with us. I think it’s the weight of the dog, as she sleeps on the bed and usually is right up against me, that makes me think it is the baby in the bed. Which is strange as she’s about 75 lbs. and obviously much larger than McLovin. But it’s happened more than once that I think I fell asleep rocking/holding him and that somehow we killed him. It hasn’t been so bad lately though.
We are still exclusively breastfeeding and I’ve also been pumping so I can start my stash for when I return to work in February. For Christmas my mother even got me this Sarah Wells breast pump bag for when I return to work, as I got only the basic pump without a tote/bag through my insurance so I needed something to carry the pump and supplies back and forth. I also got these Freemie cups. I know I am “lucky,” for maternity leave in this country anyway, in that I’m taking 14 weeks off, 10 of those are paid 100% of my salary. I know many people get much less time, and much less money. But it still feels like it’s not long enough. We’re already making arrangements for child care for when I return and thus far we have four out of five days covered by family. My mother in law, who retired young and no longer works, has offered to watch him two days. My mother works four days a week and is going to watch him on her day off. And one of our aunts, who works part time, has offered one day a week as well. So now we have one day to cover. Part of me wants to ask my boss if I can work one day a week from home going forward; another part of me wants to ask if I can flex my schedule to four long days with one day off instead of five days. But working 7 to 5 seems like a very long day for me, perhaps not so bad in the summer when the days are longer but during the winter that just seems terrible. I like the idea of having a day off but I feel as though I might just be exhausted once I get home. I am glad that, at least for the time being, he will be with family. But my MIL is being difficult (naturally) and wants to watch him at her house rather than come to ours; my mother and the aunt have agreed to come to ours. It’s just irritating because she has NOTHING for him there – no diapers, no swing, no pack ‘n play, no bouncer. Nothing. Are we to buy duplicates to keep there? Are we to bring those items back and forth? I just wish she would come to our house – all of his stuff is here, he is comfortable here, and I work close enough so that I could come home at lunch if I wanted to see him and maybe get in a feeding. Not every day, as I think lunch breaks will now be my work out breaks, but from time to time. She lives only 15 minutes away so it’s not a big deal to bring him there, but it’s also not a big deal for her to drive here either. Of course she is the most difficult of the three.
We go to the pedi later this week for his two month visit and vaccinations. I’m nervous about how he will react; I hate when it seems he is in pain. But I am curious to know his weight and length now. It’s obvious he’s grown, I just don’t know how much.
We also got our newborn photos back, and I ordered birth announcements from Shutterfly. Supposedly they shipped out on January 2nd; haven’t arrived yet. They claim they are lost in transit now and are sending out a new order. I was hoping to have them out by now but I guess there is nothing I can do about it.
In random happenings, I was able to get my wedding ring and engagement ring on last night as it seemed the swelling had finally subsided; today I can’t get my engagement ring off. I don’t know what caused my fingers to swell up again in less than 24 hours, but they did and it is really irritating me. It isn’t irritating me in a painful way, my finger doesn’t hurt at all with the rings on, it’s just irritating knowing they are on my finger and I can’t get them off. I’ve tried using oil, I’ve tried putting an icepack on that hand for ten minutes. I haven’t tried the floss yet, but I can’t see how I will get floss under the ring given how tight it is. Sigh.