Late Night Thoughts II

  • If a second child is ever in the picture, consider choosing a name that does not end with the letter R. Living in Massachusetts means that everyone will drop the R at the end of the name and this will not cease to annoy you. Just because you enunciate your R’s and consciously make an effort not to drop them does not mean everyone else does. Including family.
  • In-laws have dropped by twice now unannounced, no phone call. If your husband refuses to address this with them so as to not ruin his “Perfect Only Child” facade, then you will eventually have to be the bad guy. Start preparing  for this.
  • I am afraid of being too happy, because The Universe might decide to take it all away from me like it did my first three babies.
  • To the point above, I constantly have it running through the back of my mind that McLovin could be taken from me, some how some way and then too I feel afraid. I am wary of becoming too complacent with this newfound good fortune of having a healthy son.
  • I won the middle name battle.
  •  My mother and father in law must have done something right, as they raised the man I love, but they have been so irritating over the past few months that I’m having trouble reminding myself of that and giving them the benefit of the doubt. This deserves an entry all its own.
  • A ten minute shower can feel like a heavenly getaway.
  • In the epic question of who does McLovin look like, The Husband or me, most people say he looks like me or my brother. We’ve had more people say they think he looks like my brother than say he looks like The Husband. To that I say, I don’t mind if he looks like his uncle as long as he doesn’t act like him.
  • We took the advice of my friend Sondra from A Calm Persistence and The Husband and I each bought McLovin one Christmas gift so there was at least something under the tree for his Christmas.  We opened each other’s gift to him  and neither of us told the other what was purchased, so each of us was surprised.

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  • For some reason I have been fine getting up through the night for the feedings through four in the morning. The wake ups between four and seven in the morning really seem to be the worst for me. I don’t know why.
  • A thought occurred to me today, and I’m surprised it didn’t sooner. “I wonder if McLovin looks like his siblings, or what they would have looked like.” I can’t believe it took so long for me to think about that.
  • Sometimes I think I will never love another person quite the way I love McLovin. It is all the love inside of me. If you have more than one child does the love grow exponentially? Does it multiply? How can you manage so much intense feeling x 2 or 3?
  • The Husband’s  grandmother was the first to ask if we are going to have another child. On Thanksgiving. I told her McLovin was only a week old and our focus is on enjoying him and navigating our new role as parents. I don’t know how anyone could expect an answer to that so soon, but she said her brother has multiple great-grandchildren, and she has only one (McLovin). Not my problem!!!
  • I love my Baby K’Tan wrap and wearing him. He falls right asleep and doesn’t fuss, and I like feeling him so close. We have a bucket stroller for the car seat which we do use, but I prefer the K’Tan if the situation allows for it. I’m thinking of purchasing either a Solly wrap or a Sakura Bloom sling next. If anyone who is reading this has any experience with either I’d love to hear about it!
  • I look at him swaddled in his Halo swaddle and think he looks like a perfect little angel.
  • Some days I think I am doing everything right and clicking on all cylinders. Other days I hope I don’t screw him up too much. I feel like there isn’t much in between.
  • Even though McLovin is only six weeks old I feel like I’ve known him my whole life.
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3 Responses to Late Night Thoughts II

  1. Sondra says:

    “I am afraid of being too happy, because The Universe might decide to take it all away from me like it did my first three babies.” 9 months in, I still feel like this. I think I checked her breathing 3 times last night. I also experienced intense PPA that I actually had to get medication and counseling for. I often think it’s harder after losing babies because the anxiety with the hormones, in the mix after RPL, is like a ticking time bomb. Looking back, it was way worse than I admitted. Just something to keep an eye on. I wasn’t depressed, but man.. that anxiety was intense. I should probably blog about that at some point. Just keep an eye on it in case it interferes with day to day things. Also, so glad you got gifts for him! So fun!! And we loved the K’ Tan too. I still where her but the Lillebaby Airflow is our go to now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1. *raises hand* I had PPA (postpartum anxiety) suuuper bad–terrified of something happening to BG, myself or Mr. MLACS. Look at http://www.postpartumprogress.com as a resource, the most valuable thing being they have a list of PPD/PPA certified therapists in each state and even in other countries

    2. The IL thing is not ok. Your husband needs to understand that it is toxic for your marriage when he lets them walk all over you–ESPECIALLY now in the “fourth trimester”. You will resent him for not standing up for you, you already do. And when YOU put your foot down with the IL’s because he won’t (which you absolutely should) it hurts the chances of you having a mutually respectful adult/peer relationship–that is HIS f*cking fault for hiding behind you and not speaking up. He has only himself to blame because being a son/grandson/etc. is more important to him than being a husband and father. He needs to get his priorities straight. I suggest you google DWIL and visit it (it’s a board on babycenter). Lots of people will tell you to let these people stomp your boundaries and act like fools because “faaaaaamily”, but DWIL won’t. They encourage healthy boundaries, putting the needs and wants of your spouse before your parents and other extended family, and consequences for people who stomp your boundaries (like showing up at your house–that is bullsh*t).
    That’s all I got, hope it helps. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  3. RJ says:

    I can relate to the fear. I am super worried of something happening to my baby but I try so hard to enjoy all the little moments. I think it’s normal. I also hope things are easily fixed with your MIL. Good luck there, I know it’s not easy.

    Liked by 1 person

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