Late Night Thoughts

Below are some random thoughts that I’ve been writing and saving during late night feedings. Sorry if they are incoherent and all over the place – I guess that’s what happens when I’m up every two or three hours during the night and a little sleep deprived. But I wanted to record them for posterity’s sake. They are not dated so I really don’t remember when each thought came about, but they were all within the past five weeks as McLovin is five weeks old now.

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  • Today was the first time I drove since giving birth, and it felt ODD. It really did, I don’t know why as I didn’t have surgery nor am I on any kind of medications but it felt like driving for the first time. I’m not sure why it felt so strange after only a week of not driving.
  • Today I didn’t get story time in. I try to have story time every day and somehow today it all got away from me. I feel bad about this. We have so many books, I love it – we need to put up more book shelves. I always loved reading so much as a kid and I hope he does too.
  • I didn’t brush my teeth until 8PM today. How did I forget to do that all day? I have a cleaning in two weeks so I need to do a better job staying on top of that.
  • I think I am having an easier time than The Husband right now adjusting to being a mother and these new responsibilities. Not that he is doing a bad job, not by any means, but he is a little more impatient and gets frustrated easier now that he is back to work. It seemed easier for him during the two weeks he was off with us. Now it seems he is having a hard time managing/juggling working full time along with wanting to be a father and helping out around the house. I wonder if I will be the same when I go back in February.
  • I feel like I am constantly covered or trying to avoid being covered in different bodily fluids of my own and McLovin’s and it makes me feel gross sometimes. Breast milk leaking, still spotting, occasional spit up, being peed on  – luckily we seem to have now mastered the timing of changing diapers so that if he does pee during a change we don’t get sprayed.
  • I think The Husband most enjoys doing tummy time with McLovin, more than anything else right now.
  • I’m glad I invested in a good dry shampoo.
  • I can’t believe how lucky I am to be his mom.
  • I woke up a few minutes ago and had breast milk leaking everywhere. I had a nursing pad on too but it was all over the top of my nightgown. I didn’t expect this.
  • So much laundry.
  • I love when he’s wrapped like a burrito, and looks like a peaceful little Gerber baby.
  • The days are long but the weeks are short. Weren’t we just in the hospital? How is he already four weeks old, I feel like it’s been a blur and I missed it even though I’ve spent almost all of my waking hours with him since his birth. I don’t have enough videos of him.
  • I really enjoy breastfeeding, more than I thought I would.
  • However my breasts are also doing crazy things, and not just the leaking.
  • I don’t miss working, but I miss the gossip.
  • Even as tired as I am during the day due to several night time feedings, I am still not as tired as I was the morning after the election. I think there is a difference between tired due to a personally emotionally fulfilling experience/reason, i.e.  caring for and feeding my newborn for whom I’ve been waiting for two+ grief filled years, and tired due to an emotionally draining and agitating evening, i.e. watching the television reports as your country elects a hateful demagogue to lead it for the next four years.
  • Sometimes I feel like I could hold him forever.
  • I wish I had more pictures of us from right after his birth.
  • My mother is going crazy over Christmas gifts. Today she said she has two “surprises” for him. Not sure how  to surprise a one month old. So I guess just The Husband and I will be surprised.
  • I love when he smiles, even if it is only gas.
  • I also love when he scrunches his face up when he has to poo, he looks so concerned and so angry and it’s actually very cute – I just wish it didn’t cause him so much distress.
  • We did newborn photos three weeks ago and I still don’t have the proofs or online gallery available yet. He slept through it so I’m pretty sure we have zero with his eyes open, but oh well. I am anxious to see them but don’t want to email her and seem like a haunt, especially around the holidays. But I really want my pictures!!!
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7 Responses to Late Night Thoughts

  1. Mamalife says:

    All my thoughts and so normal for this phase. The breast milk leaking is such a shocker, right :))
    Also, when he is pooping its not distress, he is trying to learn to squeeze those muscles :))
    I love newborn babies, i lovr evrrythig about them 🙂 the phase goes away v quick 😦 stay awake every second, thats the only way to savour it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lyra211 says:

    I definitely feel you on the difference between newborn-care oh-so-tired-but-oh-so-fulfilled, vs. emotionally-wrought-out-and-just-completely-done tired. There is a real difference there. I’m so glad you’re feeling the newborn exhausted but mostly loving it. 🙂 As much as I wish you could have been spared the pain of your terrible losses, one of the few silver linings is the extreme appreciation you have for McLovin now that he’s here — I think the struggle makes that little baby feel all the sweeter, and you’ll never take him for granted. (Not saying it’s always easy, just that you can always have the perspective to appreciate what you have.) So glad to hear that you’re doing well through this first rough month, despite all the bodily fluids — it does get much, much easier!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. oats21 says:

    This list seems very familiar; although I will add realizing it’s almost 6 and nothing is planned for dinner.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. jivf says:

    Enjoy every minute. And I would say it’s ok to send an email to the photographer… if it’s not received until after the holidays then so be it, but can’t hurt to try. Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

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