Mele Kalikimaka (Part Deux)

I remember writing this post last year around this time, about how I was throwing myself into the holiday spirit. I am doing the same this year, but it’s a little less forced now that McLovin is here and my heart doesn’t ache in the same way. It still aches – for the three souls I lost, and for all I missed out out on with them, for all they missed out on. It aches in memory of how I felt the past two Christmases. I think I will always have that grief and heartache in me, maybe buried deep down, maybe hibernating, maybe fading in and out and just a memory at times – but it will be there.

Much has changed, but much has stayed the same.

Same Christmas decorations in the same spots around the house. Same fake tree. Same holiday specials recorded on the DVR (you know, the classics – Rudolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town…)

Now there is a new little one in our house, and a new ornament on the tree for him, next to ours and our dogs (the dog has THREE of her own ornaments, and The Husband and I each have only one!)

Now we are a family of three (plus two pets.) What do you get a newborn for Christmas? He needs nothing, yet I would feel odd if there was nothing for him. Not that he can open gifts or even understands the holiday yet. But it’s his first Christmas, and we’ve waited three years for this, and I want to do it all.

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11 Responses to Mele Kalikimaka (Part Deux)

  1. I’ve got my daughter a personalised toy box for her first christmas, practical and then i feel like ive still got her something☺️ x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1st of all – I love that song, its my favorite. And love the saying, having family and friends in Hawaii makes it fun to say every year. And its also totally ok with how your feeling. And I think its healthy to process the feelings too. The lost souls will never be forgotten, but also makes it that much more special with your here and now. I’ve had a loss myself a few months prior to getting pregnant with twins, and I love and soak up every moment, good bad and ugly. This is our first Christmas too with real life babies too! (plus the furry kind) 🙂 I’m getting onesies with personalized names “Adyn’s 1st Christmas” and keeping it for them.

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  3. Soon enough he’ll be interested in toys! Buy whatever you want. Did you dream of giving him a little red radio flyer wagon? Buy it! You saw an adorable plush dinosaur? Wrap it up! Are there a set of books or dvd’s that you want for hos collection? Now is the time! When BG was tiny, I was obsessed with Hatley baby footie pajamas–they are pricey but come in the cutest prints–available on amazon!
    What I’m saying is–don’t worry about being practical, just celebrate his FIRST Christmas! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  4. jwhitworth7 says:

    Isn’t it amazing how magical this time of year is when your baby is here? Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jivf says:

    We are made up of our past experiences. Just because things changed for the better doesn’t mean the past didn’t happen and those memories aren’t real. Enjoy the holidays however feels right to you.

    Also, I didn’t see contact info for you. Can you please email when you have a chance? Not urgent.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We got for our 6 month old stackable donuts and Her own ornament. Not a lot but something under the tree. Next year will be more interesting !

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sondra says:

    Tony and I are picking out something and not telling the other person. I’m excited to see what he chooses for her. But other than that, not much. I also think the grief will always be there. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  8. KT says:

    Easton was 7 weeks last Christmas and we got him some Baby Einstein musical toys, an ornament and things like clothes, books and car seat toys. Christmas was always so hard for me as we had one of our five miscarriages over Christmas one year and then our 4th angel that we lost at 12 weeks was due on Christmas eve in 2014. I always had such a hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday when I was so sad about what I had lost. Last year our rainbow baby was here but I was still in that postpartum haze of emotions and couldn’t fully enjoy it. Even though we just went through another loss this past month, now that E is a full fledged one year it it is so fun to get into the traditions and holidays with him. Enjoy your first Christmas with your rainbow baby!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Merry Christmas! What a wonderful holiday season you will have. I did recently see these carriage blankets and love them as a gift idea: I like the idea someone had above about each picking something out and surprising each other.

    Enjoy this special time!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I felt the same way about getting baby boy something to at least fill his little stocking. I ended up with a rattle and some other toy in there. Enjoy this time 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Enjoy the holiday season friend. Hard to believe where we both were this time last year. So much can change so quickly. Glad we are both here now. Happy holidays!

    Liked by 1 person

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