Tomorrow I will be 38 weeks pregnant.
In a way it almost feels bittersweet. After three losses I never thought I would make it this far. And, as much as I’ve always wanted two children, I don’t know if I will make it here again. We still don’t have our genetic test results back, so we really don’t know at this point if we truly were “struck by lightning” three times OR if there is some genetic issue and this baby that I am not carrying is our the real lightning strike.
I want him to be here, I want to meet him, but I also feel like I want to “hang on” to this pregnancy a little bit. I may not have this opportunity again. I may never feel a baby kicking or moving again. I don’t want to hang on to everything – I could do without the heartburn and the finger swelling and the lightning crotch pain. But I feel bad even complaining about it. This is what I wanted, and now it’s here and almost gone. I have a lot to look forward to once he’s here, but as nerve wracking and scary as the pregnancy has been I’ve also recognized that it’s a special moment, for me and for me and the baby together, and I’ll never have it back again once it is over.
Baby Boy still doesn’t have a name, although now it seems to be narrowed to four possibilities, so The Husband and I have been referring to him as “McLovin.” Yes, McLovin. So I am going to refer to him as such on here too! 🙂
So what have I been doing (besides grieving the election and being super angry still)? A lot of stuff!
- This week I had my MFM appointment for a biophysical profile (scored 8 out of 8), and then a NST with my OB which also looked great. My Group B Strep results came back negative. I’ve gained 35 lbs. at this point and I can tell. I will have two appointments/week for the duration – one with MFM for ultrasound/BPP and a second with my OB for the NST/usual monitoring. I am also going to weekly acupuncture appointments.
- Freezer meal prep for once we are home with McLovin. I have to give credit to my mom for helping me prepare the freezer meals and paying for it too. We made: chicken, broccoli and ziti; macaroni and cheese; chicken casserole. I was going to do lasagna this weekend, but due to unforeseen circumstances wasn’t able to get to it. I might do that on my day off this week or next weekend.
- Checking some items off my shopping list: nursing bras, nursing tanks, and some nursing friendly pajamas.
- Packing McLovin’s hospital bag. His bag is packed. My bag is almost fully packed. The Husband has not even started telling me what he would want, so I am leaving him to his own devices and he can pack his own bag. If it doesn’t get done, then he will have to deal with it because I’ve been bothering him about it for almost two weeks now.
- Finishing touches on McLovin’s room – the bassinet and bouncer are now put together and the room is now more organized. We got a Halo Bassinest, which I really like a lot even though technically we haven’t used it yet since McLovin isn’t here, and the Fisher Price Snugapuppy. They had me at “Snugapuppy.”
- Car seat installation – The Husband installed today and my father came over to inspect, as he’s a firefighter/paramedic in the town where I grew up and has done car seats for many years as part of that role. However I am also going to swing by our local police department, where they also inspect installations, on my day off this week to get it double checked. We went with the Chicco KeyFit 30 Zip infant car seat.
- Stocking up. Along with meal prep, I got it into my head that I need to stock up on all sorts of “essentials”. So I made a Target run two weeks ago and it must have looked like I was preparing for a hurricane or blizzard. Paper towels, toilet paper, granola bars, cereals, tea bags, hand soap… all kinds of random things that I convinced myself I needed to stock up on so I wouldn’t run out. As if once McLovin is here I would be housebound and unable to leave for months on end, or that The Husband couldn’t go out shopping, or that our families wouldn’t be around to assist with grocery shopping (which, my mother and grandmother already said numerous times they would do for me!). And I have Amazon Prime, so it’s not like I couldn’t just order it online. But, I felt like I needed that stuff RIGHT NOW. So I got it.
I will leave everyone with this note below. For those of you, like me, who are still grieving the election results and are worried about the future, are frustrated and scared, and who want to do something. Here is a small action we can take to stick it to the man a bit, so to speak. Mike Pence’s record on women’s issues is abysmal. So you can let him know what you think about that.