Warning: this will be a rant-y post, so please feel free to skip over it if you aren’t in the mood to hear some hormonal whining/complaining/ranting.
The Husband was asked to be the Best Man in his cousin’s wedding next year, which he said yes of course. Well, they’ve decided to do a destination wedding in Florida. In August. And then a celebration after the fact here in Massachusetts in September. And they expect us to be at both.
Now, back when we got married we considered a destination wedding but ultimately decided against it because we didn’t want to put people out, and we knew people important to us, like our grandparents, wouldn’t go. And I didn’t want to ask our bridesmaids and groomsmen to incur the extra expense. If we had done it, it would be with the expectation that not everyone would want or be able to attend. We decided it wasn’t for us, but I don’t have a problem with them in general.
The problem, for me, becomes when people EXPECT you to go or demand that you go. They are deciding for you that your hard earned money and vacation time should be spent on their whim; for their wedding at the destination they choose. What if I don’t want to go there? What if I had another vacation destination in mind? What if I don’t want to go to Florida in August and deal with the heat and humidity down south, when we wait all year long for a few nice months of summer up north? I loathe going on tropical/warm weather vacations during the summer and wasting the wonderful New England summer weather.
Not to mention that my vacation time next year, hopefully with a healthy baby by my side, will be a commodity. I have a certain amount of time and I’d like to use it how I see fit and to be with my baby! And The Husband’s family has already made comments that we can just “leave the baby home with N” (my mother.) I waited a long time and suffered a lot of grief to get to this point, and why should I “just leave him home”? Perhaps I will want a getaway with my husband, some alone time. Maybe we will enjoy a quick getaway, but it wouldn’t be “alone time” or “just us” with his entire family there anyway. Perhaps I won’t want a getaway and won’t want to leave my baby! I don’t know how I will feel but I don’t think they should be assuming things like that. Maybe my mother won’t want to watch him for several overnights – she works full time so would need to take time off work too. What if I don’t want to spend my money on this? Flights, hotels, rental cars, etc. We could afford it, but why should I have to spend money on all this for a vacation that is not of my choosing in the first place? If I had unlimited vacation and funds I wouldn’t mind. But the fact is I only have so much vacation time, and we have only so much money in our budget for vacations.
Also, August 31st is our fiscal year end at work, which is a very busy time for us in Finance. Usually the last 2-3 weeks of August is a vacation freeze. We can take a random day here or there during that time, but taking several days is frowned upon and may not be approved anyway. I really don’t feel like dealing with that, because I would need to take multiple days to accommodate this wedding – it’s not on a weekend, it’s on a Thursday so I’d need to take multiple work days off. And I really don’t care to do that.
We have already been asked several times what are plans are for traveling and when we think we might go and leave and the hotel and this and that. My response was, I am trying to get through my own situation first – what with my due date fast approaching. All I want is to have a safe, healthy delivery and give birth to a healthy baby boy. That’s really all I care about right now. I don’t want to rain on their parade, I am happy for them that they have found happiness together and they are a great couple, but this really isn’t at the top of my mind or a priority for me at the moment.
I am just bothered by this situation. I don’t want to go to Orlando in August and be in the sweltering heat. I don’t want to spend vacation time on this and I don’t want this to interfere with our usual summer vacation to Martha’s Vineyard – I’m not giving that up. We go every year and I’ve dreamed of bringing my own child because I have such happy childhood memories there. I don’t like people telling me to just leave my baby home – he’s not even here yet. I can already feel I won’t want to leave him.
I am getting bothered and I feel like I shouldn’t – it’s many months away and who knows what will happen between now and then, how I will feel. But if people would stop mentioning it and asking about it then I wouldn’t have to think about it at the moment. Maybe I am anxious about traveling because my boss is already mentioning conferences she wants me to register for in April, requiring travel, when I’d presumably be back from maternity leave only a month or so. Maybe I am being a selfish self-centered jerk and should just suck it up and go. Maybe I will do that in the end. Maybe the hormones and pregnancy angst are making me crabby and annoyed for stupid reasons.