And the Card Attached Would Say…

Last month I wrote about a night out with my friend M. Some people commented, and rightly so, that M sounded like an awesome/wonderful/really good friend. M and I have been friends since we were four or five; we were neighbors, and one day The Brother and I saw a brand new swing set over in their yard and ran over to play. Without asking our mother or even knowing who M and her family were, other than our next door neighbors. Our mother chased after us, but by that time we were already over and had made friends with M, her sister and brother. It’s so easy making friends when you’re younger, isn’t it? My mother and M’s mother introduced themselves and the rest is history.

About a week after we had dinner and attended the cookie swap last month she called me. She said she had something she wanted to talk about, and immediately I was nervous. What if something was wrong? What if she or her husband or daughters were ill? What if she was ditching me as a friend after 28 years because I had become a shell of my former self and I wasn’t any fun anymore?

It was none of the above, and I honestly was never expecting what she had to say.

She said that after I told her about the baby we lost in September she had been thinking.  She knows we are waiting for genetic test results, and said that if the tests come back and it comes down to needing a surrogate she was offering. She had been thinking about it for three months, she had discussed it with her husband J, and he was fully supportive. She would do that for me, for me and The Husband. She has already given birth to two healthy daughters, and she doesn’t drink heavily or do drugs, and I know she follows all the “pregnant rules” for eating and taking vitamins and general care and well being. I wouldn’t have to worry about a stranger and what they were doing, she reasoned. And she wouldn’t want a dime, she would do it for free.

She got all of that out and I did not know what to say. What do you say to that?

I told her I was speechless. And that I could never ask that of her. I know she doesn’t enjoy being pregnant and I could not ask her to set aside her own life for 10 months, maybe longer depending on if she gets pregnant right away and the whole IVF process. And she said it was only 10 months out of the rest of her life and she didn’t care about that. She knows the risks, but had thought long and hard and wants to help us if she can. And I don’t need to ask because she’s offering.

I’m still amazed when I think about it. That someone loves me that much, cares about me that much, that they would offer to do that for me. I don’t feel worthy or deserving of that type of generosity. If the roles were reversed I don’t know if I’d have it in me. I guess it doesn’t matter what I think I would do, I’ll never know for sure given my situation. And we don’t know yet if this would be the answer or help us. She would have to qualify and we would need to know that the issue is something with my body. If the problem is that there is something in our DNA causing the issue then I don’t think having a surrogate would help. If it’s in our DNA I think we would need new genetic “material” – egg or sperm or embryo. If there was something with my body, and the way it processed folate, perhaps that would be the answer. But right now we just don’t know. We are still, still, waiting.

When I told The Husband he was in shock too. He said it was the nicest, craziest thing that anyone has ever offered him. I agree.

Nice and crazy. There are worse qualities in a friend.

thank_you_for_being_a_friend

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to And the Card Attached Would Say…

  1. Just reading this brought a tear to my eye. Your friend, she really is an amazing person and you deserve someone like her in your life!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lyra211 says:

    WOW. What an amazing friend. How lucky you are to have each other — and that’s the kind of loyalty and generosity that comes from being a good friend, so I’m pretty sure you’ve done plenty to deserve it. I hope you get answers from your genetic testing soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That is awesome! She is truly a wonderful friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sondra says:

    Oh the tears… That’s an amazing person right there. So glad you have her in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What an amazing friend! I love her!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. And you are very deserving. You are worthy of all that love. You are very kind and very strong, that is clear. I am hopeful the results come back soon for you and that they deliver news that can help you plan your next steps.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Caroline says:

    Awwww how sweet! Love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jwhitworth7 says:

    Wow! What an amazing person you have in your life!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Aw. That is so incredibly sweet and amazing. Thank you, M.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. So glad God has blessed you with a wonderful friend in life. Amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is so beautiful. Whatever you decide, how wonderful to have such a special friend. x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. OMG! I got about half way through this post and I’m crying!!! What a beautiful friend. A sister from another mister. I’m so glad that you have someone like that in your life. I hope that you can breath again a little easier knowing that you have such an awesome option.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. calcandide says:

    Wow, that’s so amazing! I sincerely hope you don’t need it, but it’s great to have the option just in case.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I know from experience that the thought of turning to surrogacy is horrible. It’s one thing to get to the point of needing intervention, but getting to the point of stepping aside and watching someone else take your place is truly, truly heartbreaking. I hope that you never have to do it yourself. However, don’t take your friend and her offer for granted. I always believed that someone would be willing to do that for me, but I didn’t have anyone in my life like that. You are so lucky to have such an amazing friend, and even though I hope you don’t get all the way to surrogacy, I know your friend will be by your side, supporting you each step of the way through your journey to motherhood– what an incredible blessing. 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for stopping in and for your kind words. Like you said, I don’t intend to take this for granted. I know how lucky I am to have someone like her, and how special she is to even think to offer this. Very few people would do it. It is truly a blessing to have someone like her in my life – she will be getting an entry in my gratitude journal for sure :). xxx.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Wow, how selfless of your friend! You surely mean a lot to her. So great to have such an amazing friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. RJ says:

    What a selfless gesture. She’s a wonderful friend and you are lucky to have her (just as she is lucky to have you). Whatever happens, it will be so wonderful to have her support and love. Best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This post made me cry. You have such a good friend my dear because you are such a good friend. I hope you have meaningful answers soon. This wait is agonizing!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This is so amazing!! Just wow!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Wow, that is incredible! She sounds amazing. After my third loss, my mom told me that if the doctor’s would let her she would be a surrogate for me. It was really sweet and like you said, crazy, lol. It’s an awesome feeling to have such wonderful people in our lives. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Nara says:

    Oh my gosh! What an amazing friend. And more to the point – how awesome must you be for someone to love you *that* much? You guys have an amazing friendship and that is something to be cherished, whatever happens. X

    Liked by 1 person

  21. donnarothert says:

    What a beautiful story! So great to hear about that kind of love, connection and support focused on helping you with family building. Wishing you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. What an offer. I hope it doesn’t come to surrogacy, but if it does, how nice to know it is an option. I had a dear friend offer me her eggs and it just gave me such a sense of peace — I didn’t think we’d actually use them, but to know it would be an option.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope it doesn’t come to surrogacy either, but like you it is nice to know and helps you sleep a little bit better at night. It’s amazing how generous people can be with matters that are such a struggle to others. I hope one day I can return the favor to her somehow.

      Like

  23. What a wonderful friend. Sometimes we just need to accept the wonderful gift being offered and know that the other person is doing what they want to do for themselves

    Like

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s