Birthday Friends

Last week my best friend M and I went out to dinner. She lives about an hour away from me and we met at a restaurant half way between that also has a mini arcade/game room which we indulged in after dinner & drinks. Anyway, she brought up our mutual friend E – well, E and I were always closer than M and E are but we’ve all known each other since high school. E is the friend I wrote about here, herehere and here. I told M that I hadn’t heard from E in months and she only trots me out as a friend at a party or a christening when she wants gifts for her kids. The Husband and I are her token “child free” friends. I said that list bit sarcastically, as I really don’t think it’s just for gifts, but its true that I never hear from her except for those types of events in her life.

I do feel like I need to offer a disclaimer, because in almost all of those posts I linked to I go off on some rant about E or situations involving her. Spoiler alert: this post won’t be the exception to that either. But she’s honestly not a bad person. The problem we have always had is that we are a lot alike and will often butt heads because neither of us will give an inch when we feel justified or that we are in the right. Most of the time it works out fine because we tend to agree often and have similar life philosophies and values, but when we disagree there might be fireworks. Luckily since we are a lot alike neither of us takes it personally when we disagree and have words – I think we both appreciate that we are strong willed, opinionated and we won’t be able to easily sway the other and we can take it in stride. And when I was going through a hard time with my parents divorce she was always 100% supportive and always listened.

Anyway, I haven’t seen or talked to E since her daughter’s birthday party in May. Then I got a text from her over the weekend saying she misses me and wants us to go out for dinner and drinks with her this coming weekend for her birthday. I applaud a good birthday celebration but it’s irritating to me that I don’t hear from her in seven months and now she wants me to go celebrate her birthday. Where have you been the past seven months?!?! I gave up inviting her over when we had get togethers for football games, or inviting her for a beach day, because every time I’d ask she’d say she couldn’t go. So, I just stopped asking. (She’s also the friend who posted this article on Facebook that irritated me). To me it seems like the only time I hear from her is when it’s her birthday or one of her kid’s birthdays. I’m a birthday friend. I realize life is busy with two kids but I have plenty of other friends who make an effort and they have children – like M who has two kids, or my friend L who always makes an effort to hang out with me and as couples with our husbands – L and I even went on a girls weekend and she has two kids. So, even though I don’t see M as much as I want to and she’s had to cancel plans on me in the past, at least she makes an effort. She’ll invite me to the kids event but she also realizes that I’m not very interested or motivated to attend them so she’ll also make an effort to do friends things too. L doesn’t even invite me to her kids events, only our “adult events”.

And, when I told her we already had plans this weekend, she mentioned about wanting to do it sooner rather than later because her friend is ready to pop with her fourth child. That certainly wasn’t going to sway my decision and make me want to cancel the plans I already had. I really don’t care to see that girl or even hear about that girl. I don’t care about her FOURTH pregnancy and the imminent arrival of her daughter. Whom she plans to name Charlotte. I’m sure because of Princess Kate and her daughter,because this girl fancies herself to be royalty. So no, I don’t feel like having to arrange my life around her baby popping schedule.  I’m sure I’ll have to hear about it anyway because her sister will be at dinner with us, and at that point  I’ll put my best Kanye face on, but I don’t have to like it.

This post probably makes me sound more angry than I truly am. I find the whole situation annoying, but I’m not angry or pissed about it. I find it almost humorous because it is so predictable and indicative of what our relationship has become. And it amuses me that not even a week after laughing about it with M she did it again. Her ears must have been ringing.


… about your fourth baby.

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11 Responses to Birthday Friends

  1. From reading your thoughts today I realize you aren’t upset by her antics yet again and I commend you for being such an amazing individual. And in the interest I being positive I won’t discuss my opinion of E, but rather I’ll focus on M. I’m so glad you have a friend like M! Anyone who makes an effort to maintain friendships even when our lives are different from each other is a good one. And she definitely sounds like one of the good ones!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, M is pretty remarkable! She is one of the good ones, for more reasons than one – I actually have another post in draft that has more to say about her but I haven’t had the right words yet… I’m hoping to finish it this week. 🙂 Thanks for your support!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. RJ says:

    I echo Mrs. MPB in your friend M. Still frustrating about E. I certainly have a friend like that who only calls when it’s about her and we only hang out when it works for her. I also really enjoy her company when we are together, but the friendship is what it is…like all things in life you can’t control.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I get these feelings. I miss time with my friends who have kids too, we only hang out with the kids around now and it’s just not the same. I think they should make some time for themselves too, it’s not ‘healthy’ to live for your children 100% of the time. I guess I sound like a insensitive childless, but I would (hopefully will) make an effort to spend time alone with my friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree… sometimes I wonder if I’m just quicker to judge given all the troubles I’ve had starting my family, but even if, when I have a child I hope to still make time for “me” and the things I like to do. I still want to be an individual!! xxx.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have (….had) those friends too. Friendships and people change through out the years and that’s ok. And its ok to let go of people who cause you stress/drama/etc when you just don’t need that in your life right now. You need people in your life who will listen to you when you need to vent, who will be there to lift you up and hug you for no reason. And this is what the blog is for. We (probably mostly complete strangers) are here for you! Hoping you have a good weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. M does sound awesome. It’s nice to have someone who balances out the not so awesome. I have the same issue. Just stick with the awesome. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: And the Card Attached Would Say… | Sweeping Up the Broken Pieces

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