Why Bother?

I feel like I have spent the past 2+ years with the constant humming in the back of my mind – “Baby, baby, baby, family, family, family, baby, baby, baby…”

And then I turn on the TV and see the news from: San Bernardino today, Paris last month, Egypt, Newtown, Virginia… take your pick… and I think to myself – “Why bother? Do I even want to bring a child into this world with all of this awful, evil crap that happens?!?!?” I remember how horrified I felt as I saw the pictures of those children after Newtown. Their smiling, innocent faces. I remember how sad I felt for those families. How sad I still feel when it pops up in my mind.

After the Boston Marathon bombings I called my grandmother. We were just chatting as I watched the news about the manhunt. And I asked her, after all that she had seen – Pearl Harbor, WWII, Korean War, JFK Assassination, MLK Assassination, RFK Assassination, Vietnam, Cold War, Desert Storm, Oklahoma City, 9/11, Afghanistan, Newtown, Boston (I tried to name as many horrific events as I could think of!)… what does she think about the world after witnessing ALL OF THAT? How is she not constantly DEPRESSED about the state of the world and humanity?

I don’t remember her exact words. But the sentiment was that she had a lot of love in her lifetime despite all of the bad things that happen in the world and that she was sure there was something even better waiting on the other side.

I guess I have to keep telling myself that too. Because watching the news today… sometimes I wonder what I’m even fighting for as I do all this testing and all this waiting around for a baby. And do I really want to bring a life into the world when someone like Donald Trump is considered a presidential contender?!?!

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13 Responses to Why Bother?

  1. RJ says:

    It just seems like the world is full of horrible events happening lately. We were discussing the shooting today at work and one of my co-workers asked what was going on. When we told her, she just said “again?” and shrugged her shoulders. It seems our world is becoming numb to tragedy that seems to be striking more frequently. I, too, wonder about bringing a child into the world, but I have to say I agree with your grandmothers view. I hope you are hanging in there, this is an awfully difficult time of year when you’ve had personal tragedies. I know I’m struggling. Sending love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is a difficult time. I’m trying to keep my head above water but, as you know, sometimes it’s hard.
      I wish people wouldn’t become numb to these tragedies. If we’re numb we’ll never do anything. I wish people would feel anger and outrage and want to try something, anything, to prevent these instances from becoming everyday occurrences.

      Like

  2. Nara says:

    This is exactly what I’ve been thinking. Honestly, I think you’re my twin on the other side of the ocean! (It’s 2am here and I really need to go to sleep!)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s like you read my mind. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hopingonhope says:

    For every act of violence, we always have thousand acts of
    Love. Love will win in the end. Thr violent act of crucifying a man alive is today remembered for his words of love.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I hear you on this and i have to remind myself every time another one of these events happens that I firmly believe that love will win, it simply has to.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. calcandide says:

    I feel like that a lot. Sometimes I think it’s for the best that my husband and I can’t have children, not only because of the violence but the environmental destruction too. It seems awfully selfish to me to want children bad enough to subject them to what’s likely to happen in the future (of course, that didn’t stop us from trying for two years!).

    Liked by 1 person

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