I feel like I have spent the past 2+ years with the constant humming in the back of my mind – “Baby, baby, baby, family, family, family, baby, baby, baby…”
And then I turn on the TV and see the news from: San Bernardino today, Paris last month, Egypt, Newtown, Virginia… take your pick… and I think to myself – “Why bother? Do I even want to bring a child into this world with all of this awful, evil crap that happens?!?!?” I remember how horrified I felt as I saw the pictures of those children after Newtown. Their smiling, innocent faces. I remember how sad I felt for those families. How sad I still feel when it pops up in my mind.
After the Boston Marathon bombings I called my grandmother. We were just chatting as I watched the news about the manhunt. And I asked her, after all that she had seen – Pearl Harbor, WWII, Korean War, JFK Assassination, MLK Assassination, RFK Assassination, Vietnam, Cold War, Desert Storm, Oklahoma City, 9/11, Afghanistan, Newtown, Boston (I tried to name as many horrific events as I could think of!)… what does she think about the world after witnessing ALL OF THAT? How is she not constantly DEPRESSED about the state of the world and humanity?
I don’t remember her exact words. But the sentiment was that she had a lot of love in her lifetime despite all of the bad things that happen in the world and that she was sure there was something even better waiting on the other side.
I guess I have to keep telling myself that too. Because watching the news today… sometimes I wonder what I’m even fighting for as I do all this testing and all this waiting around for a baby. And do I really want to bring a life into the world when someone like Donald Trump is considered a presidential contender?!?!