I woke up this morning, mind you after being up until 1AM because I went to the Patriots game last night, and was put in a hostage situation.
No, I wasn’t kidnapped or held for ransom but I was part of a group text and, because not everyone was on a Mac OS platform (iMessage) I couldn’t leave the conversation.
“Hey guys!! Hope you’re all doing well!! S and I just wanted to share that Baby T will be arriving in March!!”
My day took a turn for the worse at 7:50AM and still hasn’t recovered. As if being exhausted from being up late, having one of my employees call in sick and getting a cold wasn’t enough. NO, I had to be a part of a stupid group text for three hours with all the “Congratulations”, “What’s the sex”, “I have tons of stuff you can have!” nonsense going on. Seriously, WTF?
You know who else was supposed to be arriving in March? My baby.
I have no time for this nonsense. I put the conversation on “Mute” so I wouldn’t get the notifications but still, the texts come through. And, because I’m cheap, I don’t have unlimited texting (almost everyone uses iMessage anyway so I figured what’s the point??!) so a whole lot of my monthly allotment of text messages were used up on this. I sent K an angry email (she was a part of the group text too) and ranted back and forth for a bit. She commiserated with me and agreed that group texts are annoying, but of course she didn’t have the same emotions about the substance of the messages that I did.
I haven’t even seen these people in almost two years. Yes, we used to be close and vacation together, but I haven’t seen them in years. And, I know this sounds terrible and maybe this is my fatigue and cold speaking, but I am tired of having to pretend to be happy for everyone else all the time. I have three dead babies and a brother in rehab. When do I get my turn for happiness? Pure happiness and not the kind of happiness where there’s a nagging sadness behind it.
I know I am sad and angry and bitter. I know they are good people and deserve to be happy. I know if I hadn’t lost three babies I wouldn’t feel this way. But I did and I do. Most of the time I try to fight it and I do, but right now it all feels like too much and I am going to spend the weekend laying on the couch. At least I have an excuse since I have a cold.