This week I am now eight weeks along. The past few days have been rough. Between the fatigue and nausea I have not been feeling like myself at all. It’s been a struggle to make it through the work day (usually by noon or 1 I feel as though I am going to pass out and can’t stop yawning.) Eating has been an adventure, between the food aversions and then crazy hunger. I told The Husband today that I could not imagine doing this, feeling this way, and having another child to care for. I don’t know how people do that; all I want to do when I get home from work is go to bed. I haven’t had the energy to exercise which I feel terrible about; I want to go for walks but I have no energy. I did do yoga one day last week (I bought a prenatal yoga DVD) and felt good but would randomly feel like gagging throughout. So I feel like a tired, lazy person. I really want to exercise and stay healthy but right now I am struggling.
I am also continuing to spot due to the bleed. It’s every day, almost every time I go to the bathroom. Old, brown blood. Like a slow leak.
Wednesday is my appointment with MFM at the hospital. I emailed E last week to let her know I’d be there. I was seeing her and the girls in my support group weekly after my first loss, and now I haven’t seen her since December. Eight months! It went by so fast but yet so slow.
I was chatting with my friend S by text this weekend. She and I have been friends since Kindergarten; we aren’t best friends but we’re good friends, and we don’t chat all the time but it’s one of those friendships where we don’t need to and can just pick up where we left off. She is one of my very few friends who knows about both losses (most only know of the first.) She herself has had three miscarriages; all earlier than mine and different circumstances but three nonetheless. She told me a few months ago she was going to see a fertility specialist and doing testing but then never said anything else about it, and I didn’t want to pry. This weekend she told me that she is 14 weeks pregnant! I am so happy for her and her husband. They are really just great people – smart, funny, loving, a great couple. So I did tell her that I am pregnant too. We were both commiserating over being “high risk” and how all the joy and fun is sucked out of pregnancy when every day you are just worried that today is the day something is going to go wrong. And, as it turns out, she sees a MFM specialist out of the same hospital/practice as Dr. T! I’m glad we ended up telling each other, rather than randomly bumping into each other in the waiting room or something.
Nothing much else is going on. I have been evading family and friends as best as possible. This weekend we went to a Jimmy Buffett concert with another couple, and I’ll just say it’s not as fun when you’re wasting away in sober/tired-ville. It was fun, and I made it through the whole concert, but I was exhausted the next day. We bought the tickets before the pregnancy, and I would have liked to give up our tickets to someone else but it was my friend’s birthday and I’m sure she would have been upset if we bailed.
I just hope everything is going okay and this little baby is growing. I am constantly wondering what is going on in there. I know all of this fatigue and nausea and everything else will be worth it. I just hope this baby sticks around and I get to hold him or her at the end of March.