I’ve been on vacation this week, which included three nights on Martha’s Vineyard earlier this week. The time off from work has been FANTASTIC – I love my job, but let’s be real – if I didn’t need the money I wouldn’t do it. I never understand those people who “lose vacation time” by not using it. How can you not use paid time off??? I use every single day/half day/any time off I can get. I just don’t get people who don’t!
Our time on the Vineyard was short and sweet. Our trip included: beach visit, alpacas, lots of walking, golf for The Husband, reading (I finished The Guest Cottage by Nancy Thayer), food, carousel rides, and relaxing with The Dog. I’ve been visiting since I was a little girl, and when I step off the ferry I don’t feel like a cynical 32 year old, I feel like a little girl again – I want ice cream and to catch the brass ring. I love the green cross walks and the smells. I am so happy that, when driving, I actually let other people have the right away and I let people in front of me when I don’t have to and I don’t drive like a Masshole.
As for the pregnancy, yesterday I had some bleeding. I spent a good part of the day at the beach and when I came home I went to the bathroom and… red blood. I didn’t freak out. I felt rather calm about it all. I didn’t have any pain or cramping, no fever, no chills. It was mostly just surprising. I already had my yearly physical scheduled for today with Dr. F (I did call the nurse earlier in the week to explain that I was pregnant, and she said I should/could still come in for my physical.) So today I just explained to Dr. F what happened yesterday. She did an examination (my OS is closed by she could see old blood). She ordered a blood draw (my hCG level was 14,099.5, which the nurse described as “wonderful” when she told me about it! Imagine me getting “wonderful” news after a doctor’s appointment!) and based on the hCG she then ordered an ultrasound to ensure the pregnancy was in the right place (not ectopic.) It isn’t. On the ultrasound they could see the gestational and yolk sacs. No fetal pole or heartbeat. I am measuring 5w4d, so both the ultrasound tech. and Dr. F said they weren’t expecting to see a heartbeat anyway given how early it is.
What they did find, however, is a “subgestational bleed.” When the nurse explained it to me she likened it to bruising from implantation. It wasn’t near the sacs so the pregnancy isn’t in any immediate danger. However, if my bleeding gets worse (right now it’s down to spotting when I go to the bathroom) I am to call right away. And I am on pelvic rest. I also have to go for another scan next Friday so they can see what the bleed is doing and if it has gotten smaller. Also to see if there is a heartbeat (they said there should be one in a week.) I was told that this is a very common cause of bleeding in early pregnancy and that these matters typically resolve themselves naturally and many people go on to have perfectly normal, healthy pregnancies after this.
Don’t they know I am not most people?!?! I am the Girl on the Wrong Side of the Odds.
I don’t feel very panicky or upset about this. I feel calm. Maybe it’s because I am so tired; for the past few days I have felt like at any point in the day I could just lay my head down and sleep. Maybe its the nausea; today, or the first time this pregnancy, I have felt nauseous off and on. Mostly when I think of specific foods; for instance, pizza (one of my favorites). Just thinking about it makes me want to gag. And coffee. I haven’t thrown up but I’ve gagged a couple of times. Or maybe I just know that this isn’t as bad as it could be. No, a bleed isn’t “good news” but there’s nothing that can be done. And everything else looks fine so far. So I have no choice really but to go with it.
After today’s scan The Husband commented to me – “I didn’t want to say anything, but isn’t it nice going to a new office and having a new tech?” And yes, it is nice. I’m glad he thinks so too. Not that I blame my past doctor or hold any negative feelings toward her, but I think switching practices was one of the best things I’ve done since my losses. And knowing that Dr. F works with E and came highly recommended by E was enough of a sell for me. I just never want to walk into Dr. S’s office again. I don’t even want to drive by it. She’s a nice lady and a good doctor, but I had two of the worst moments of my life there so no, I’m not in a rush to ever go back.