Vacation & Update

I’ve been on vacation this week, which included three nights on Martha’s Vineyard earlier this week. The time off from work has been FANTASTIC – I love my job, but let’s be real – if I didn’t need the money I wouldn’t do it. I never understand those people who “lose vacation time” by not using it. How can you not use paid time off??? I use every single day/half day/any time off I can get. I just don’t get people who don’t!

Our time on the Vineyard was short and sweet. Our trip included: beach visit, alpacas, lots of walking, golf for The Husband, reading (I finished The Guest Cottage by Nancy Thayer),   food, carousel rides, and relaxing with The Dog. I’ve been visiting since I was a little girl, and when I step off the ferry I don’t feel like a cynical 32 year old, I feel like a little girl again – I want ice cream and to catch the brass ring. I love the green cross walks and the smells. I am so happy that, when driving, I actually let other people have the right away and I let people in front of me when I don’t have to and I don’t drive like a Masshole.


Concert in Ocean Park




I just love the “highlights” in this guy’s bangs!


Oak Bluffs harbor

As for the pregnancy, yesterday I had some bleeding. I spent a good part of the day at the beach and when I came home I went to the bathroom and… red blood. I didn’t freak out. I felt rather calm about it all. I didn’t have any pain or cramping, no fever, no chills. It was mostly just surprising. I already had my yearly physical scheduled for today with Dr. F (I did call the nurse earlier in the week to explain that I was pregnant, and she said I should/could still come in for my physical.) So today I just explained to Dr. F what happened yesterday. She did an examination (my OS is closed by she could see old blood). She ordered a blood draw (my hCG level was 14,099.5, which the nurse described as “wonderful” when she told me about it! Imagine me getting “wonderful” news after a doctor’s appointment!) and based on the hCG she then ordered an ultrasound to ensure the pregnancy was in the right place (not ectopic.) It isn’t. On the ultrasound they could see the gestational and yolk sacs. No fetal pole or heartbeat. I am measuring 5w4d, so both the ultrasound tech. and Dr. F said they weren’t expecting to see a heartbeat anyway given how early it is.

What they did find, however, is a “subgestational bleed.” When the nurse explained it to me she likened it to bruising from implantation. It wasn’t near the sacs so the pregnancy isn’t in any immediate danger. However, if my bleeding gets worse (right now it’s down to spotting when I go to the bathroom) I am to call right away. And I am on pelvic rest. I also have to go for another scan next Friday so they can see what the bleed is doing and if it has gotten smaller. Also to see if there is a heartbeat (they said there should be one in a week.) I was told that this is a very common cause of bleeding in early pregnancy and that these matters typically resolve themselves naturally and many people go on to have perfectly normal, healthy pregnancies after this.

Don’t they know I am not most people?!?! I am the Girl on the Wrong Side of the Odds.

I don’t feel very panicky or upset about this. I feel calm. Maybe it’s because I am so tired; for the past few days I have felt like at any point in the day I could just lay my head down and sleep. Maybe its the nausea; today, or the first time this pregnancy, I have felt nauseous off and on. Mostly when I think of specific foods; for instance, pizza (one of my favorites). Just thinking about it makes me want to gag. And coffee. I haven’t thrown up but I’ve gagged a couple of times. Or maybe I just know that this isn’t as bad as it could be. No, a bleed isn’t “good news” but there’s nothing that can be done. And everything else looks fine so far. So I have no choice really but to go with it.

After today’s scan The Husband commented to me – “I didn’t want to say anything, but isn’t it nice going to a new office and having a new tech?” And yes, it is nice. I’m glad he thinks so too. Not that I blame my past doctor or hold any negative feelings toward her, but I think switching practices was one of the best things I’ve done since my losses. And knowing that Dr. F works with E and came highly recommended by E was enough of a sell for me. I just never want to walk into Dr. S’s office again. I don’t even want to drive by it. She’s a nice lady and a good doctor, but I had two of the worst moments of my life there so no, I’m not in a rush to ever go back.

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12 Responses to Vacation & Update

  1. I really hope that everything goes well next week and I am glad that you are currently with a practice that you feel good about.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So much in here that I want to comment on! I hope I dont forget anything! And forgive me if its all over the place.
    First, I am so pleased u enjoyed your vacation & felt like a little girl again… That is the best feeling ever! The pictures look like u did indeed have a wonderful time. I also do not know how people forfeit their paid time off- I used everyday I had last year, plus some. Lol. So i am right there with u on that!
    Second, congrats on your beta number, it sounds like it is right where it should be. I know u are probably still nervous in the back of your mind, but its great news they saw what they did so far! Im praying for u that next weeks scan brings lots of good and well deserved news. Also that u continue to have that sense of calmness u described.
    On another note, I have to say the last part of your writing really touched me. As you know, we have been seriously contemplating switching clinics. Hearing what you and your husband felt at the new place made me smile. It gives me so much hope moving forward! Just like you, the old office really brings up some bad feelings. And i agree, its not the doctor fault, its just the way it is for us after what we have endured.
    So happy for u right now! Wishing u all the best as this goes forward ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad that I was able to provide you with a little bit of hope! I really am glad that I switched doctors, personally for me it was the right decision. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that is right for you without feeling pressure and that all of your dreams come true soon 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Nara says:

    Your holiday looks like a great escape. It’s strange how much we relax when we finally stop, I think. I can keep going until a holiday and then I just sort of go “ahhhhh”.

    I’m glad your new doc seems so much better as well. It is great you are so calm about everything. It sounds like you are really relaxed and rejuvenated. Long may it continue! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lyra211 says:

    I’m so sorry about your bleeding scare — that sounds terrifying. I was really happy to read about everything being in the right places and the bleed being identifiable and not near the pregnancy — I hope that’s giving you a little relief. I will add that I also had an early scan to rule out ectopic pregnancy this time, and even at 5w5d there was no heartbeat, but there most definitely was a week later (and it’s lasted at least to 11w1d!). I know you know it’s too early, but I just thought it might help to hear personal confirmation, since there are all sorts of stories out on the internet of people seeing heartbeats in week 5. 🙂 I’m hoping so hard that everything keeps going well, and will be eagerly waiting to hear the outcome of your scan next week!

    I’m glad you had such a great vacation, and that your new doctor is awesome. I’m with you on that one — it does make a difference not having to go back to the office where we got our terrible news, and I love the feeling of a “fresh start.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for sharing your experience! After all of the bad news I’ve received at ultrasounds in the past I was really rather calm during this one – I even told the tech as she kept trying to reassure me about the normalcy of a lack of heartbeat at this stage that “I won’t freak out, don’t worry.” Maybe I was just numbing myself.
      Anyway thank you for the well wishes 🙂


  5. Krystal says:

    I hope everything is okay. I had a bleed as well early in my pregnancy with my daughter (SCH) that scared the crap out of me but ended up resolving itself. I hope that this is nothing more than a scare for you. Sending prayers and thinking of you.

    Also – Martha’s Vineyard? Jealous. Always wanted to go!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. leemc2417 says:

    I’ve been holding my breath for you ever since your last post. I hope you’re doing well this week and I just wanted to drop in and let you know I’m still thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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