You Can Stuff Your Sorries In A Sack, Mister!

This past weekend my house was invaded by three four-legged guests. My mother, stepfather, brother and grandmother went to Virginia for my cousin K’s wedding. As I previously wrote about, I decided not to attend. In lieu of attending I doggie-sat my doggie brothers and sister. The dogs are eight, six and seven months. Add to that my dog and my cat, and WHAT A HANDFUL! They all get along well, but man was it tough juggling all of them when it was time to eat and/or go outside to go to the bathroom. The oldest dog is very attached to my stepfather and was very needy without him – followed me around, constantly needed attention, scratched at our bedroom door in the middle of the night. He’s lucky he’s so stinkin’ cute and lovable! I really would not have it any other way – I would never have wanted them to be boarded.


Watching me eat.

Along with doggie-sitting I volunteered in my city’s Earth Day Cleanup event Saturday  morning – three hours picking up litter on the side of the road leading in to our neighborhood. The committee that plans the event also hosts a pizza party afterwards, and I’m never one to say no to pizza. Our local Domino’s has donated pizza to this event since it’s inception (25 years ago!). Sunday my friend L and I ran a 5K (my time was a minute better than my last 5K) then went out to lunch. The weather was sunny and brisk, which is better than it was last year when we ran this same event – the briskness was there BUT it was drizzly and yucky. I’m not going to lie, it was a relief to get away from the four dogs for a couple of hours for each of these events. I gave my house a very thorough cleaning this morning (dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, Swiffering) because there was

The view for the 5K.

The view for the 5K.

All in all it was a busy weekend. I decided that if I wasn’t going to attend the wedding I was going to be busy and make the most of my weekend at home since I was saving myself a trip and money. It was strange thinking that I wasn’t at K’s wedding,  and the rest of that side of my family was there, and how different things would be if I never lost Baby #1 (they don’t know about Baby #2.) But this is the way things are, and I don’t feel sorry for that. I’m not mad, but I just don’t feel very invested in my relationships with them right now. At all.

One thing I never wrote about (I thought about writing about it but never got around to it) was the fact that after my mother told them I wasn’t going to attend the wedding, and why, each of my cousins sent me an apology. I received them in February, a week shy of our one year anniversary of losing Baby #1. K sent a “Thinking of You” type card with a note inside and A sent a letter. K’s apology seemed more sincere than A’s. I didn’t write about it because I’m not even sure what to say about it. I didn’t want their apologies. All I wanted was to not go to the wedding and to be left in peace. And part of me thinks that they sent these apologies at the behest of my aunt. Basically the apologies were for not reaching out to me when we lost Baby #1 – in essence apologizing for a lack of consideration or seeming like they didn’t care. K bluntly stated that she didn’t know what to say, so said nothing at all, and realizes now that she should have said something even if she wasn’t sure if it was the “right thing to say.” In my mind I can understand this reasoning and understand how someone might feel this way. There have been times in my life where I have said nothing at all in lieu of saying something that might make someone feel uncomfortable or might unintentionally upset someone. Fine. A, however, came off very indignant – and to me it was like “I’m shocked that you were upset so I’m apologizing but I’m not convinced I have anything to apologize for.” And it read like a form letter. And she signed it “A and J” (J is her husband and I have an intense dislike for him.) Maybe I am just annoyed that she included him in it when really, in my mind, it has nothing to do with him. I could not care less if I ever speak to or hear from him again.

I have yet to address either of these apologies. I just read them and then put them in a desk drawer in my office. I think I should probably reach out to them somehow, someway, to acknowledge that I received their notes. Do I accept their apologies? What is the etiquette in these situations? I don’t feel like I’m holding a grudge or anything like that, I just feel like I want nothing to do with this. I’m not sure there is anything to “forgive” – they are who they are, I am who I am, and that’s it. I plan on sending K a “congratulations on your wedding” card so maybe that is the start. Her apology was the more sincere of the two anyway. Honestly A and her husband irritate me to no end and I am less interested in maintaining a relationship with her, with or without this apology.


Because I *love* Seinfeld.

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10 Responses to You Can Stuff Your Sorries In A Sack, Mister!

  1. Wow, a letter! I’d be lucky to get a text in my family. Even me almost dying in the process doesn’t make miscarriage a thing, I guess. I’d still skip the wedding too, but send a present.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do intend on sending a card and gift, probably this weekend since they are away on their honeymoon anyway. But thanks for your comment and support. I’m sorry your family doesn’t seem to understand what you went through. Sadly there isn’t a lot of empathy unless someone has experienced the same. Hugs.


  2. It sounds like an awesome puppy love at your house!! I’m not sure how you handled all those animals, but they are so cute that I’m sure it wasn’t too hard to find a way. 🙂
    As for your A & J. It’s hard if you felt that the notes were forced. And it’s hard that it’s been so much time. All I know is that I’ve learned to focus my time and energy on those i want to be actively involved in my life (and that I want to be involved in theirs). At some point, you may be ready to engage more, but I say put your heart first, and do what’s best for you. Just like you did with the wedding.
    Sending you love and wishing you the best as you navigate all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It wasn’t hard at all – no matter how hectic it got I just looked at them all and my heart melted. And thanks for sharing your experience and kind words – I think we’re on the same page here and it helps to hear it from someone else too.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Glad you had a rewarding weekend. I wouldn’t do anything specific about the apologies unless I cared about the relationships going forward. For the one about which I cared I would find a pretense about which to communicate but not mention the apology or the background to it. I think your wedding congratulations fits that bill perfectly. If/when you see her again should the subject of your infant loss history or TTC plans come up you can choose whether or not to share anything or acknowledge her communication expressly. No sense rehashing a past about which nothing can be done. As for the other one, I’m with you in seeing no value in wasting time or energy and especially vulnerability on people with whom I have little or nothing of substance in common.

    On another note although your house guests are adorable I was disappointed not to see photos of your own menagerie members in this post. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your support, my friend. What you’ve said makes a lot of sense to me. I have to take care of me first, my needs (emotional and physical.) At some point I think we will move past it but that point is not right now.
      As for my lovely pets, I will be sure to post a picture of them in an updated soon. Between my camera and phone I certainly have hundreds from which to choose! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Me Here says:

    Ahh, I am sorry you’re feeling so bad about these irritating people! I guess when it comes to apologies I would go with Princess Whatsername (yeah I know, Elsa) and say “Let it go!”
    I have found in the past that holding onto bad feeling and grudges really does harm me the most… The people I’m trying to hold a grudge against are completely unbothered by me being mad at them, so why expend my precious energy on that?! 🙂
    I think it’s easy to look for someone to blame when you’re hurting… I know I’ve lashed out at plenty of well meaning people (and less well meaning ones!) when I’ve felt bad. I’ve practically blamed my friends/family for having babies even though it’s not their fault they’re fertile and I’m not! So I guess what I’m saying is… Be mad and chuck stuff in your own time. And if you need time to heal then take it. But in my experience, if someone apologises to you then it’s worth accepting, even if you just park that apology somewhere and come back to it later. It takes so much more energy to hold a grudge than to let it go… and I’m lazy! 😉
    Oh and I love your doggy friends! Dogs are the best!

    Liked by 1 person

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