Day 29: Do I Collect Anything?

I collect the fortunes from fortune cookies. Some of my favorites:

  • Your life will be happy and peaceful. (Not so much lately… stupid fortune.)
  • Your charm today will be almost irresistible, so use it wisely.
  • Your lover will never wish to leave.
  • You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual.
  • Today is a great day for learning something new.
  • Don’t let the past and useless details choke your existence.
  • If you look back, you’ll soon be going that way.
  • Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.

Does anyone else play the game where you say “…in bed…” after your fortune? We always do and it never ceases to make me giggle.

I don’t really collect any other stuff. I collect change, but then I just cash it in once I have a lot.

I’ve been really low these past few days. I don’t have low days very often, but when they are low they are LOW. (Just heard that Lil’ Jon song in my head when I typed that… Get LOW.) First it was the anniversary of my first loss while I was in Florida (which wasn’t that bad at the time because I had the distraction of work and being away), then yesterday was the start of Shark Week (which, by the way, was 6 days earlier than my past three cycles <29 days vs. 35> and I’m not sure how I just magically lost 6 days when I don’t think I ovulated any earlier), my birthday is this weekend, and Baby 2’s due date is the weekend after that (March 15th.) So it’s just a lot of STUFF in this 3 week span. I wish I could forget about it all.

I know in one of my previous posts I mentioned that I loved my birthday… but now that it is getting closer I just feel annoyed. Pissed. Sad. Blah. I just feel like I have nothing to celebrate. All I did was not die for 365 days (well, it will be 365 days on Sunday.) Other than that I didn’t accomplish anything and I feel like this was a waste of a year. I am just not happy with where my life is and I am not in a good place. This isn’t where I wanted to be or what I expected of my life at 32 years old. Maybe professionally I am where I thought I would be, but not personally. I’m disappointed, I feel like a failure, and I don’t want to be reminded that I’m a year older. I feel like canceling on my mother and the rest of my family (we are supposed to have dinner and cake at my mother’s house Sunday) but then I know she’ll just be upset and worried and want to talk about it. And I definitely don’t want to talk about it. So I’ll go, and pretend as best I can. I should win an Academy Award for how good I am at acting like a normal, happy person when I’m down like this. Julianne Moore has nothing on me!



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2 Responses to Day 29: Do I Collect Anything?

  1. I am sorry you are having such a rough time with everything right now. In so many ways I’m right there with you. I just passed my birthday, I survived and focused on having a happy day in-spite of everything. But there were definitely some challenging moments. And like you, I sit here thinking, I’m 32 and nothing is what I expected – we have no kids and I’ve taken a “break” from my professional career. In so many ways I’m a complete failure. It sucks. If nothing else, I hope you are able to get through the day.
    Oh, and we totally add “…in bed…” after our fortunes too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I know that there are no words to make you feel better. Here’s to better days ahead of us. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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