Let it snow

January has came and (almost) gone. February is an important month on this journey I’ve been on for almost a year now. Last February (February 26, 2014 to be exact) is when we lost our first baby at 19 weeks. February 24th is when we were informed there might be a problem; February 25th is when testing confirmed that our baby would not survive; February 26th is when we terminated the pregnancy.

I really cannot believe it’s been 11 months already. I really cannot believe that this is my life now. If you asked me a year ago what I thought I would be doing now, sitting here typing this blog entry would not have been on the long list. Time has passed so quickly and yet so slowly. When I think of the grief and sadness and despair, it seems like it lasted so long and didn’t pass quickly at all. But when I think to myself – holy crap, it’s been almost a YEAR since that happened – it seems so fast and I can’t believe all the changes I have been through and how I am really not the same person I was at all. Not only did I lose my baby on February 26, 2014, but I also lost the “old me.” And I’ve said it before, but working in Finance makes time go by quick too. We are always thinking of month end, or quarter end, or year end. Counting down the days. Figuring out the numbers. And in my personal life I am living in 35 day cycles. It seems like I am always just trying to get to month end, whether at work or home, and to see what life looks like then. Did we make our numbers? Did AF come on time and is my cycle regular now? Etc. etc.

I wasn’t sure what I should do that week, the one year anniversary of our first loss – should I take the day off from work? Should I go to work to distract myself? I didn’t have to give it much thought because my boss asked me to travel and attend some meetings (in somewhere warm with palm trees no less!) during that week. So I will be traveling on business the entire week. I invited The Husband to go, but he thought it best to stay home. I have some family in the area where I am traveling so I am going to spend two nights with them after my meetings. Despite how much I dislike flying I am looking forward to going somewhere warmer and sunnier. And I am looking forward to having this trip to distract me. I will be in meetings or networking dinners Sunday evening, Monday afternoon/evening, Tuesday morning, Wednesday afternoon/evening and Thursday morning. So I will also have some free time to myself too and hopefully if the weather is good I can sit by the pool and read, or go to the hotel gym, etc. I will miss The Husband and our pets but seeing as it was -5 degrees a few days ago when I went to work, I am itching to go somewhere warmer.

Speaking of weather, we were hit with the blizzard Juno earlier this week. It resulted in a “Snow Day” off from work on Tuesday and a delayed opening on Wednesday. We were very lucky in that we didn’t lose electricity at all (thank you, municipal lighting plant!) The snow was of the light and fluffy variety so no downed trees or power lines in our neighborhood. Monday evening (when the snow started) I baked us come cupcakes and stayed up late catching up on my DVR. Tuesday morning The Husband went out plowing (he took home one of the plow trucks from work) and even plowed our own street because the city truck’s hadn’t been by yet, and then our neighbors. When he got in he cooked breakfast (eggs, bacon and toast) then we hung around the house all day watching TV, eating, and playing with the pets. I did some yoga and actually did some work (since I had electricity I figured I should check in.) He had to plow again later that day because it snowed allll day so what he did in the morning was covered again. All in all it was a pretty good day.

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Prepared to be snowed in.

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Juno is coming.

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My blizzard look.

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Snow everywhere.

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L standing next to the sliding door to our back deck – the snow is taller than her.

The little trees in our front yard. Hoping they would survive the storm.

The little trees in our front yard. Hoping they would survive the storm.

After the storm had passed.

After the storm had passed.

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15 Responses to Let it snow

  1. I think your distraction work trip for the one year mark are wonderful. No matter what, it will be hard, but at least this way you will be busy.
    And, I love your blizzard look! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love how L is sitting on the heating vent – such a cat kinda thing to do!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Krystal says:

    I am so sorry that February is such a hard month – I will be thinking of you, a lot. And wow – that is a lot of snow! It looks gorgeous, though. Stay warm and safe!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry about the upcoming anniversary of losing your first baby. Those anniversaries are so hard. I have a feeling being away, distracted, near pools and Palm trees (and cocktails) was the right decision and a positive twist of fate in your favour for once. Of course you are not the same person. You’re a mother, for one thing, and the fact your arms are empty cannot help but weigh heavily on your heart and very being. I hope that the distractions and sunshine are of comfort. Please know there are many of us who are and will be holding you gently in our thoughts then and in the weeks to come as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree that being away and distracted is going to be a good thing. Obviously I will still think about it but I’m hoping that being in the sunshine and warm weather will make it less depressing than in the cold snow. Thank you for your kind words and support. I am hoping that we will both have many more positive twists of fate soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ChickinNH says:

    I can completely identify with what you expressed in the first two paragraphs of this post – I feel like I could have written them myself. I am almost exactly one month behind you with the anniversary of my loss and I’ve been nervous about it since January hit. I am glad to hear that you’ll be traveling over such a tough week. I hope it will be okay for you. Sending you big hugs as it approaches.

    Your snow day last week sounds perfect. I hope you’ll have another good day tomorrow with the next foot of snow we’re supposed to get.
    (And: GO PATRIOTS!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your support. Anniversaries like this are not fun at all and I think being nervous about it is natural. Who knows, the day may come and go and not be that bad, but it might be awful. You just never know. I think sometimes we forget how strong and resilient we are. Anyway I hope you are feeling good as things continue to progress.
      And yes, Go Patriots! So excited for tonight’s game.

      Like

  6. we’re on the same boat. my due date is less than 10 days away, and then anniversaries. funny how I never thought these dates would mean so much. blogging about this journey wasn’t on my list either… I’m glad we’ve found support in this community!

    ps. the cupcakes look delicious! currently watching the game. go patriots!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so sorry hun, that you are experiencing a painful anniversary this month too. I will be thinking of you and wishing you lots of love and strength during the coming days and week.
      And yes, Go Patriots! I have an excitement hangover this morning 🙂

      Like

  7. Love the pics. Hate that February is a sad month for both of us (I lost my first at 7w2d on Feb. 25, 2013). May 2015 be a year of healing for you. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

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