Today I went to a “Baby Sprinkle” for my best friend, M. M’s second daughter is due in early January. To read about my *awesome* (is there a sarcasm font?) reaction to her pregnancy feel free to click here. It’s password protected – you can email me at ashleighannes12 (at) gmail (dot) com or leave me a comment with your email address and I’ll send it to you (and delete your comment so your email isn’t out there!) She told me about her pregnancy right about the time The Husband and I conceived Baby #2 (I didn’t know I was pregnant yet.) It went about as well as could be expected considering we had lost Baby #1 four months earlier.
Anyway, her MIL (who is one of our teachers from high school) threw her a little sprinkle today. When her sister D called me to invite me I had misgivings right away. First, I have never supported having two showers (especially when your first child was born less than two years ago) and have refused to go to all other second showers and sprinkles that I’ve been invited to. However, since this is my best friend and I like her MIL, I was willing to let that slide. Second, and more importantly, this would be the first baby event I’d be attending since we lost Baby #1 in February. I am just not that in to baby showers, baby announcements, gender reveals, etc. (and for good reason) since we lost our first baby. I do realize this puts people in a tricky position – do they invite me or not? I would have been offended had I not been invited, and I’m sure they didn’t want me to feel left out. So, I agreed to go. Even driving there I felt like turning around, but I tried to put my best foot forward.
Evidently I underestimated how much this whole event would upset me and overestimated my strength and how well I would be able to deal with it all. I was the only guest there who did not have at least one child. M’s cousin J was there, who, by the way, is pregnant with her second child and that child’s due date is the week before Baby #2 was due. M is on her second, her sister D has 2, her SIL S has 2, her friend M has 2, her friend J has 2. And ME! And basically the whole conversation at brunch revolved around their children. I sat there mute. I literally had nothing to add to that conversation. M complained how her daughter only wanted her, not her husband, in her whiny voice. And how the baby’s cranky today. Boo fucking hoo! I had half a mind to look her in the face and say “At least your child isn’t dead!” and see what she said about that. Her cousin J even had the gall to say “We talk about our kids so much, isn’t it funny when your friends without children get all mad at you because kids dominate the conversation?” Or something along those lines. With the death glare I gave her I’m surprised she’s still alive. I got pretty good at giving her my bitch face by the time I left. All in all I felt like J and M were being whiny and ungrateful. I had bitchy retorts lined up for them and I could have stopped the conversation with just one or two sentences, but really, what did I expect? It’s a “Baby Sprinkle” and they are going to talk about babies. DUH.
So, after all of this going on with all these comments, blah blah blah babies diapers yada yada yada, I ended up in tears in the bathroom. I tried to pull it together quickly but I saw my face in the mirror and knew I couldn’t go back out there. But I also didn’t want people to think I died in there and I didn’t know how long it would take me to compose myself. I opened the door a crack to get D, and M’s MIL saw me and came in and knew right away. She gave me the best hug, which I really needed, and told me she’s so sorry, and she’s so surprised I even came, and then D came in and held me for a few moments while I cried. She too said she was so sorry, and that she wavered on whether to invite me but didn’t want me to have me left out, and that everybody would understand if I needed to leave and it doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend. All of that kind of stuff. I ended up leaving before cake, but I stayed for an hour and a half. It was really just terrible.
And it’s nobody’s fault. It’s not their fault my babies were sick. Maybe it’s their fault for not having lives outside of their children and not being able to carry on conversations that don’t include children, but whatever. Really I just shouldn’t have gone. I knew I shouldn’t have gone from the beginning. I’m not sure why I went. It was nice of them to include me and invite me, but I didn’t have to accept so it’s really my fault for being this upset. Lesson learned.