Hanging Tough

After I made my Scrooge post this weekend, my mother came over Sunday morning to see the new doors we had installed in our kitchen (we have been working on some home renovations this year.) She walked in and immediately questioned our Christmas decorations (or lack thereof.) I went in to my whole rant about the holidays, and how much work it is to put up a tree and decorate just to take it down a few weeks later, and how I don’t believe, so what is the point, yada yada yada. And how I’m over Christmas, and don’t really feel like celebrating, or buying gifts, or wrapping gifts, or receiving gifts. In fact, The Husband and I already exchanged our gifts to each other! And next year we aren’t doing gifts for each other at all. We made that decision this weekend. She was surprised, since I’ve always loved Christmas and in the six years we’ve been in our house, The Husband and I have always had a tree and decorated. So she was surprised.

Yesterday morning I got up and was going to throw some bottles in our recycle bin when I saw this little tree on our porch. A little Christmas tree. She must have stopped by in the morning between the time The Husband left to go to work and I woke up (The Husband is an early bird and I am a night owl.) It actually sort of brought a tear to my eye. I never mentioned on Sunday the fact that I was sad about my babies; I never talk about it with anyone really. I never mentioned how I thought I would be celebrating with Baby #1; or, over the summer, thought I would be 6 months pregnant with Baby #2. The vision(s) I had for myself and my family didn’t come true. I didn’t say any of that, but I’m sure she must have thought it.

L investigating our new little tree.

L investigating our new little tree.

Anyway, I have been busy the past week or so. Two weekends ago The Husband and I went to see Jerry Seinfeld with my aunt and uncle at one of the casinos in Connecticut. We drove out there (about an hour and a half from our house), had dinner, watched the show and did a bit of gambling. I am not a hug fan of slot machines (I prefer poker, at least I feel like I have some control) but we all played a bit. Nobody was a big winner, but I didn’t lose too much. I have a very low tolerance for gambling, and once I hit my limit I am done. Jerry was funny – this is the second time I’ve seen him (the first was before The Husband and I even started dating!) Seinfeld is one of my very favorite TV shows, and I also adore JLD’s HBO show Veep. Love them.

Big winner!

Big winner!

And with the holidays just about here I have some work functions coming up this week to keep me busy. Last night we had a bowling event after work with our auditors, which was fun. It was the first year I went and my gals from work and I had a great time. Some good apps, some good drinks, good company and good bowling! Well, I’m not a good bowler but it was fun nonetheless. Thursday afternoon we have our company holiday reception, and Friday afternoon we have our department holiday luncheon. So it will be a busy week. Next week I am on vacation. At the beginning of the year I took the three days before Christmas off (we have Christmas and the day after as holidays) because I thought that I would be celebrating with my baby, and I wanted to spend the week with him/her. Our first Christmas together. Now I feel kind of sad about it, but I have to use the vacation time. And who couldn’t use a week off?

Last week The Husband finally made it in to the hospital to have his blood drawn for his genetic testing. It’s already been over a week since he went! And I really haven’t been giving it much thought; but I know when my cell phone rings and it’s the hospital’s phone number on the other end my stomach will drop and the nerves will hit. So now we are waiting. I thought originally that we might start trying again this month; but now that we are waiting for his results we aren’t going to try. We want to know the results. They may not be what we want, or they might come back saying he isn’t a carrier and we might have “wasted” a month not trying. But at least I can have a glass of wine or a drink at all these functions and on Christmas and not worry about it.

Does anyone else get as excited as I do when you go on iTunes and see songs for 69 cents??  I feel like I just hit the lottery.

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12 Responses to Hanging Tough

  1. The tree is such a heartfelt gesture – reading about it made me smile. Also, I completely understand your decision to take the month off and wait for your results. I so hope he is not a carrier, even if you end up feeling like you wasted a month. Enjoy the wine, and be very careful around Candy Cane martinis (a lesson I recently learned). 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your mom sounds wonderful. Her gesture brought a tear to my eye, too! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good genetic results. I hope you can still enjoy your time off, even if the original reasons for it are now very sad. Thinking about you as you navigate these next couple of weeks — you are doing great!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know how you feel about the Holidays. I feel the same way too, except I have to do all the shopping and the wrapping for my two year old brother since my family doesn’t really cooperate. I would hate to feel like my sadness is clouding his third Christmas, so I did a of that a while ago and can now sit and rant all I want about how hard and stupid the holidays are (at least this time around). I too thought we’d be trying again.. Now we are waiting for the CHARGE tests to come back. My genetic screening is back but since I don’t live in the States we are still waiting for the kit to get here to have my husband tested and ship the samples. It sucks. Big time. All I can do is remind myself that the year will be over in less than 13 days. Wow!

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    • Aw. I understand wanting to make it special for your little brother. Maybe his happiness and excitement will be contagious and make it easier for you as well. I so hope that the kit arrives soon and you can get the test done and get results soon. And of course I am hoping your husband isn’t a carrier. It seems like we’re in the same boat this time around. At least we aren’t alone! And yes, 13 more days and then the crappiest year of my life (so far) will be over! Hoping 2015 brings a lot more happiness and luck for both of us than 2014 did. Hugs.

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  4. Krystal says:

    How sweet of her to bring you that tree! Fingers crossed that your test results come back with reassuring news. I know the wait period can be torture!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I am starting to get a little anxious now for the results; I just want to know so we can start planning what we want to do going forward with TTC. I am hoping the holidays don’t delay the results too much. :/

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