It goes on

I’ve given myself a little over two weeks to wallow, and eat my way through my emotions, and be lazy. I’ve decided tomorrow is the day I start getting myself back on track.

 
Since Pregnancy #1 I’ve gained 10 lbs. Which doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is a lot for someone who is 5’3″ and has always been petite. Everything fits snugger. I have a little bit extra in my midsection, and arms. And no baby to show for it. So tomorrow is the day I start getting back to the gym and start eating healthier. I haven’t been running since June. I haven’t lifted since June. Basically, ever since I found out with Baby #2 I’ve just walked (with the exception of the two times I used the arc trainer.)
 
Will this work? Will I keep it up? I don’t know. But I don’t have anything else to do. We have to wait at least two cycles to try again, so it’s not like I can use that as an excuse. Sadness? Maybe exercising will release some of those good endorphins and help improve my mood. 
 
I also have my first acupuncture appointment in less than a week. I am very excited for that.
 
Tomorrow is my grandmother’s birthday, so we are having dinner at my mother’s house. The original plan was Chinese food – until I put up a stink about how “unhealthy” it is. Typically I like Chinese food, but I really feel like I need to make some changes in  my life. And eating better is one of them. And when everyone around me wants to eat unhealthy it makes it hard. After my whining my mother changed the menu – I think right now she is willing to do anything she can to please me because she knows what we’ve been through. For my part I have been very low maintenance and un-demanding towards her. Sunday The Husband and I are planning on going out for lunch and shopping. I also want to switch out my clothes – store away the summer clothes and take out the winter. I actually enjoy doing this – and it gives me a good opportunity to clean out the old clothes or the clothes I never wear and make a donation to Goodwill. At least I have some things planned, so I will be less inclined to be a hermit and sit in the house all day.
 
I just wish I could feel like I did last fall, before I even got pregnant with Baby #1. Before I experienced the losses. Before I lost my naiveté, before I became so very cynical. 
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6 Responses to It goes on

  1. camtaylor says:

    I understand how you feel. My baby was diagnosed with a million things not compatible with life and my induction process starts on Monday. I will be 21 weeks on Tuesday. All I've been doing is planning how I'll get back on track and this hasn't even started yet. I look back at pictures and I wish I could take back time to last Christmas where all we had was the hope to get pregnant, not two dead babies. ��

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  2. Oh, I am so very sorry! I know there aren't any words that can take away your pain and grief but please know you are in my thoughts. Hoping that everything goes as well as it can on Monday and in the days ahead. Sending you many wishes for peace and strength. You are not alone.

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  3. Oh, to go back to “before.” I think about those days all the time… what it was like to just think “Oh, I'll get pregnant and have a baby and it will just be amazing.” I think it is great that you are getting back into a routine, giving acupuncture a try, and resuming exercise. Small steps are huge steps right now so good for you. I'll be cheering you on!

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  4. Yes, things were so much better “before” – I thought pregnancy would be natural and beautiful and simple but it has been anything but!

    Anyway, thank you for your support and cheers. I hope you are doing well and feeling good. ❤

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  5. myhopejar says:

    Hugs sweetie. I think your plan is awesome. Hope the exercise and healthier diet will help you feel more like your old self, but don't beat yourself up if you need a day off or two too 🙂

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  6. Thank you. So far, so good. Planning on going to the gym after work today and I'm hoping it is better than Saturday!

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