It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I haven’t had too much to say, as I haven’t had an appointment with Dr. S since the July 21st, and my next appointment is next week (less than a week away, finally!) I’ve been feeling okay- the most prominent symptom is the fatigue. I’ve had bouts of morning sickness, but not every day and not all day. It kind of comes and goes. I’m thankful it hasn’t been consistent, but also nervous because during my first pregnancy the morning sickness was a lot more prominent – for weeks, all day (although I vomited only twice), all day queasiness. Right now it’s relatively calm (knock on wood). I have been taking Vita-Fusion gummy prenatal vitamins, and the thought of the taste of them makes me want to puke sometimes. I’d rather be swallowing a horse pill. But I’m going to finish them because I bought them and I hate wasting money.
Obviously I’m dealing with anxiety, fear, etc. etc. I feel guilty that I can’t be more excited about this pregnancy, but everything was “fine” last time until 19 weeks when it all went to crap. So no matter what the doctor says next week I still can’t let my guard down until I come back from the anatomy scan with an all clear, or whatever the good version of the scan may be. Even then I will still be nervous I’m sure. But I would never want my child to know or think I wasn’t excited for their arrival or that I was having him or her; its just really hard for me right now. Last time I kept a journal and took belly pictures and I haven’t even considered it this time. I’m sure down the line, if everything goes as it should and in March I am welcoming my baby into this world, that I’ll regret not having those things to memorialize this time in my life. But it’s very hard for me to think about doing that because I’m afraid it will end badly.