Warning: Rant Alert!

My vacation is officially over and today was my first day back to work. I’ve been feeling down in the dumps the past few days, and I’m trying to pass it off as the “end of vacation/back to work blues” and hormones but I really don’t think that’s entirely it. 

I feel anxious about the baby – constantly wondering what is going on in there? Is the heart still beating? Is the fluid absorbed yet? (I’m guessing no, because I’m still spotting every day- I liken it to a slow, slow, slow, leak.) Three weeks is a long time to wait between ultrasounds. And I feel sad, because I am not enjoying this pregnancy – not because of physical symptoms but the emotional anguish and angst. The worry, the mistrust of my own body, the fear. This should be a happy time and I feel apathetic, ambivalent. I keep thinking if something happens this time it is my fault – fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Isn’t that how it goes? I felt relieved to get relatively good news last week, but then thought to myself “Last time I got good news every visit until 19 weeks, you can’t let your guard down.” I just feel cheated and robbed of the happiness and excitement “normal” pregnant women get to feel.


Then today one of my friends posted this link on her Facebook page (again, why am I still on there? It’s time for me to delete it again): Once We Become Parents We Don’t Want to Hang Out With You Anymore (But Not For The Reasons You May Think).


Take some time to read that gem. It really pissed me off. First of all, this is half the problem in society – some kids think the whole world revolves around them. My bed time. I’m hungry. I don’t want to do that. When I was young, I did what my parents told me to do – if they wanted to go out, I went out with them. If I didn’t have any friends around, I had to entertain myself or use my imagination.  Sometimes I even had to sleep at their friends houses until they left! But I still slept. I didn’t get to dictate everything.  


And since when did having children mean that you give up your own life and identity? You can’t be a mother and a friend? I don’t intend on giving up the things that make me happy (yoga, reading, spending times with loved ones, vacations, etc.) when I have children. Sure, some things may not be financially feasible, and yes time will be limited so I won’t spend as much time on them and I can live with that. But I’m not giving up a piece of myself and what makes me “me.” 


And then at the end – “Don’t give up on us — we’ll emerge and thrive again, once conditions are right”…. Sure. So in the meantime we are expected to wait around for that. Ha! When you “emerge” don’t expect me to be waiting if you’ve ignored me for years.


The reason why this really makes me mad is because the friend that posted this recently invited me to a Pampered Chef party at her home. Mind you, I haven’t seen her since April, and this is the friend that was giving me a hard time in May about why I wasn’t going to her daughter’s first birthday party. She hasn’t made any effort to communicate or get together since…. actually since the week I lost the baby. When I saw her in April at Paint Night it was ME making the plans to get together! Yet she wants me to go to her house and spend money on stupid Pampered Chef stuff that I don’t want or need. No thank you.


Okay so this post turned in to a bit of a rant. Sorry about that. I didn’t intend to make it all pissy and woe is me, but sometimes a girl has to bitch and moan. I wanted to make a vacation post with pictures and good things, so that will have to be another day this week I guess. I’ll try to be in a better mood =)

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Warning: Rant Alert!

  1. myhopejar says:

    That really is quite the article! I think I'm 50/50 on this. I know routine is very important for kids, but I also agree with you, and we need to continue to live our lives too. Balance is key. I have a few girlfriends like the woman in the article and it drives me crazy. They expect me run around and accommodate them all the time because I don't have any kids yet. It's beyond frustrating!

    Hope all is going well with you and your little one. Can't wait for your next update!

    Like

  2. Thank you as always for your thoughtful comments. In reading this post again, and the article, I realize I probably came off a little harsher than was necessary. And, I totally agree that routines are important for kids. I'm certainly not advocating for taking a newborn everywhere with you (restaurants, bars, movies, etc. etc.). I just think there needs to be more balance!

    I hope you are doing well and feeling good. Sending you a big hug!

    Like

  3. Pingback: Birthday Friends | Sweeping Up the Broken Pieces

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s