How not to end a good day

Yesterday one of my biggest fears for this pregnancy came true – blood. I went to the bathroom and there it was. Not a lot, not a steady flow, but certainly more than what I picture when I think of “spotting”. Maybe the size of the palm of my hand. No clots, no tissue. Just blood. 

I gasped and stared. I felt fine physically – no cramping, no back pain, nothing. In fact I spent the day happily at our off-site meeting cruising Boston Harbor. All day everything was fine, until I went home and saw that. I even felt a bit of nausea on the boat, which never happens to me on the water, and I happily thought it was the beginning of my pregnancy symptoms.

There wasn’t any more blood for the rest of the night or overnight  – I wore a pad to bed and it was blood free when I woke up this morning. I spent all night after I saw that until I fell asleep monitoring every single feeling I had, physically at least – what was that twinge? Was that a cramp? Am I hungry or is this something else?

Sorry if this is graphic or upsetting, but it happened and it was one of my biggest fears. This didn’t happen to me “the first time” – I loathe to compare my two pregnancies, because they are totally different and I am different and I shouldn’t compare them, but I can’t stop myself sometimes. Like now. This didn’t happen before, I had no spotting or bleeding. Now some bleeding yesterday.

So now I have a pit in my stomach. Is this the beginning of the end? Or harmless? I still feel physically fine except for the nerves now. 

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