Well it’s all right, riding around in the breeze

Just about a week to go until my appointment with Dr. S. Trying to keep myself busy and not think about things too much. I’m trying to keep negative thoughts at bay, but they do creep in from time to time. The Husband tries to squash them and today at the beach I told K about them and she tried to squash them too. K is the only friend I’ve told about the pregnancy. She didn’t like it when I told her my negative thoughts and questioned if I was read or not to be pregnant again if I’m still feeling like that. I’m not sure I will ever have a pregnancy, now or in the future, where I’m not worried. I understand that and I’m sure K understands that too.  I’m not sure the thoughts will go away until at least the anatomy scan. Because that is the point when everything went to pieces before. So I know I have to be positive, and for the most part I am, but it’s hard.

So what am I doing to keep busy? Today the beach with K. Reading two books – Bill Clinton’s autobiography and The Vacationers by Emma Straub. I’ve been rotating between the two depending on the mood I’m in. Spending lots of time with my cuddle bug doggie. I really don’t know what I would do without her. Just letting me hold her and hug her and not trying to move or fuss, just her looking at me so happily when we go for walks and watching her run around the yard after the frisbee. She’s so darn happy all the time! Except if we’re leaving the house and she’s alone with the cat, of course. I also made home made body butter/lotion. One of the gals in my support group gave us her recipe after she made some for us – it was really awesome and I love it so much I had to try and make it myself. It’s made with all rganic ingredients and the main ingredient is coconut oil. It also contains sweet almond oil, jojoba seed oil and lavender oil. Mine didn’t come out quite as good as hers (I think I had too much lavender for scent and not enough coconut oil) but next time I will make those adjustments.

This week is a short work week for me – three days in the office, then Thursday we are having a Finance team event that is off-site, and Friday starts my vacation – ten glorious days off from work! During vacation we have tickets to a Red Sox game and our trip to the Vineyard for three nights.  And of course our appointment with Dr. S on Monday morning. So the next two weeks will be busy, hopefully in a good way.

I’m still not feeling pregnant. If it weren’t for the positive tests and missed period I wouldn’t believe that I am. The cramps/twinges have almost completely stopped. Maybe I feel a little hungrier and a little more tired at night, but that’s about it right now. I’m not wishing to feel sick, but I wish I felt something. I know from reading other people’s blogs that this isn’t uncommon (to want to feel something during early pregnancy) if only for reassurance.

Homemade body lotion.

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2 Responses to Well it’s all right, riding around in the breeze

  1. myhopejar says:

    Hang in there hon. What you're feeling is completely normal. I'm not sure there's ever a time when we're ready for pregnancy after loss. It's impossible to not be afraid after going through what we've gone through. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I'm 15 weeks 2 days today, and petrified of my appointment tomorrow. So you're not alone hon. Glad you're keeping busy. Hope this week flies by and that you get amazing and wonderful news on Monday. As for symptoms, I'm sure those are coming soon in the next week or two 🙂 I felt pretty sick starting from 6 weeks on.

    P.s. I made homemade body butter on the weekend too! Mine is made with cocoa butter, shae butter, coconut oil and sweet almond oil. It's amazing and smells like chocolate form the cocoa butter 🙂


  2. Ashleigh S says:

    Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It really does mean so much, I feel like each time I read your blog and some of the others I follow that it gives me a little boost of strength.
    And your recipe sounds great! I am going to have to mix mine up next time and maybe use some cocoa… I certainly do love my chocolate!


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