Wondered How Tomorrow Could Ever Follow Today

I can safely say that these past few days (since Sunday) have probably been the most emotionally turbulent since I lost the baby. I blame it on hormones and terrible cramps. Sunday was the boat fight fiasco, Monday was a family party where I pouted a lot, last night I cried myself to sleep. I was so sad, and angry, and upset that I actually thought to myself – “Maybe I just won’t wake up tomorrow” as if it would be a good thing. To top it off one of my friends has been annoying me about a party at her house this weekend

A party for her child who is turning one. 

I politely rejected the invitation via text, then she pushed it, and “pried” (her word, not mine) as to why we weren’t going. I explained that 1)it’s nice she wants to see us, but when she is running around managing a birthday party it’s not like we have a lot of time to sit around and catch up anyway and 2)for obvious reasons we don’t feel like going to a children’s birthday party. I don’t think I should have had to go in to an explanation in the first place, and I had many choice responses planned but in the end tried to be as diplomatic as was possible. I think I handled it well. But the fact that I even had to plan out a “nice response” and contain my rage annoyed me.

I’d rather sit by myself at the beach with a good book. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

By the way, I hate extremely dislike all the perfect people with their perfect babies and perfect families. They can all go eff themselves! I seriously hate extremely dislike them all and have no time for them. I also hate extremely dislike all the “friends” who STILL haven’t offered their condolences on the loss of my child three months ago. If I ever see them again it will be too soon. One of these days I am going to send them angry text messages telling them exactly what I think of them and I don’t know if I will even care if I burn those bridges. I hope they don’t expect me to congratulate them when their children are born this fall (yes there are two of them). You’d think being pregnant themselves when it happened would make them sensitive to this and appreciate what I went through. You’d think wrong. 

This is going downhill very quickly so I will stop know and wish you all “bonne nuit.”

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