Ramble on

During our support group meetings we get handouts, ideas and things to think about. One of the handouts we got a few weeks ago was about was to experience “glimmers of light” as you mourn. Here are some ideas from the list, the ones in bold are things I have done thus far:

  • Hug a bear or other furry companion
  • Fly a kite
  • Write with colored pens, put some color in your life
  • Read a fun book
  • Talk with close friends
  • Take a drive
  • Practice skipping
  • Join an exercise class
  • Check out garage sales
  • Visit a museum
  • Eat chocolate
  • Read the comics
  • Say no to things that are not right for you now
  • Take a bubble bath
  • Rent funny videos
  • Keep a list of victories
  • Swing or go down a slide in the park
  • Donate a bit of time to a favorite charity
  • Attend auctions, it can be fun just to watch
  • Treat yourself to an occasional massage
  • Find a park and feed the ducks
  • Take a dog for a walk

Today was full of work, the core exercise class in the afternoon, then Taco Thursday courtesy of The Husband.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it would mean to conceive again. Do I want to try? Can I get through disappointment if it takes a while? What if we have problems conceiving? I don’t know the likelihood of problems, considering the first time around we conceived during our fifth cycle after going off birth control. But I am nervous nonetheless. I don’t know if I can take any more disappointment “down there”, what with losing the first baby and the stupid cyst. Are these things a sign? I don’t know. I don’t know anything!!!

I’ve been drinking the raspberry leaf tea, taking prenatals again and I’ve started charting my BBT. Part of charting, I must admit, is an experiment for me. I like to see things work for myself and prove things to myself. Yes, all the articles tell you that your temperature spikes after ovulation but I want to see it for myself! And prove to myself that I am “normal” or that my body works like the average woman’s body works. So I want to know that I’ve ovulated and I want to do this “experiment”. Hopefully this cycle does not take the 56 days that it took after my D&E.

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