Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

So I’ve broken my goal of writing every day. I was on a good streak too!

This weekend has been fairly low key. Friday night I went I did a quick Target run after work then came home and relaxed with my pets while The Husband went golfing with some buddies.

Yesterday I went for a run, did some laundry and cleaning (I actually love doing laundry, it is my favorite chore) and then we went out for dinner for my mother’s birthday. My brother did not show up (surprise, surprise). It was my mother’s first trip to a hibachi restaurant and she loved it. She also loved the necklace we bought for her.

The big news about yesterday is that The Husband and I had sex for the first time since losing the baby. While I was pregnant I was not feeling very “sexy” nor did I have much of a sex drive so the last time we had sex was actually a few weeks before we lost the baby (which was the end of February). Anyway I think The Husband was worried something was broken down there so he was very careful. I remember the week or two after the procedure, after my OB/GYN said we should wait at least two weeks before having sex, he said something along the lines of “I can’t even think about that right now, you seem way to fragile emotionally and physically.” I think that was still in the back of his mind. But that was fine, because to be honest it was, a little bit at least, physically painful. Emotionally I tried to just block everything out of my mind and be “in the moment” with him. Since when did sex become so much WORK??? But my feeling is that it will get better now, not that anything was terribly wrong or bad anyway, and that we had to get past this experience together.

Today we have no plans. The Husband is golfing right now (I am a Golf Widow during half the year), and I am enjoying the sunshine with my doggy friend on the deck with an iced coffee. I am going to go for a run later, then switching out my winter clothes with my spring/summer clothes. Since we bought our house, and it’s a three bedroom, I’ve always had ALL  my clothes out because The Husband put all his clothes in the spare bedroom. So although he slept in our bedroom, he had his own “man cave” with all his clothes, golf paraphernalia, sports memorabilia, etc. Then when the baby was coming we decided his “man cave” would be the baby’s room (the third bedroom is an office) and I, for the first time in five years, had to start switching my clothes out for the seasons. I emptied out half of my closet and drawers to make room for him. Now I guess I don’t have to do that. I told my husband I was taking over the closet again – because although I had switched out clothes and emptied about half of it for him, he never got a chance to move his stuff in before we lost the baby. Whenever I tell him I am taking over again he tells me not to, because he said it will be easier when we get pregnant again if I don’t have to move all the clothes out. And I guess a little part of me must be hopeful to have a baby again because I still haven’t moved all my clothes back in. I’ve thought about it but haven’t done it. Either I am hopeful for a new pregnancy or I am having trouble letting go of the first. Maybe both.

For now I am going to enjoy the sunshine, fresh air and company of my furry friend. And hope that I don’t get stung by a bee, because they are out in full force now.

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