"I don’t know why I’m supposed to care."

Last night was Paint Nite, and I honestly had a good time. I almost felt guilty about how good of a time I had. We started out by going for appetizers and drinks after work – some of our work friends joined us for a little while even though they weren’t going to Paint Nite itself. Then we headed to the venue. There were over 100 painters! We had a group of eight – unfortunately we couldn’t all sit together and had to split into a group of five and a group of three. I sat with my “work friends” and my other friends sat together in the group of three. Below is my (almost) finished product:

 
So it was fun, and afterwards there was a dj/singer and some dancing. One thing that annoyed me was a conversation with one of my friends. She brought up how a mutual friend, a girl we used to work with, suddenly announced the birth of her second child that morning. Neither of us even knew she was pregnant, and suddenly there she was in the hospital with a baby. She was asking, can you believe it? Did you see the picture? Why didn’t she tell anyone? Blah blah blah. Finally I got sick of hearing about this chick we knew and her surprise pregnancy/baby and just said “I don’t know why I am supposed to care.” That shut her up right away. Then two minutes later she must have realized why I was annoyed and said what I did, and said she was sorry, she wasn’t even thinking when she was going off on it. I guess there isn’t much someone in my situation can do about stuff like that. Just put an end to the conversation, which I did. I don’t care if I sounded blunt, or rude, or whatever. I really don’t care! I just didn’t want to talk or think or hear about it any longer.
 
I honestly had a good time. I probably had a little too much to drink, and I almost felt guilty about having fun. Like how could I be having fun when two months ago I lost my baby in a terrible way? And then I started feeling bad about myself, looking around at all the happy ladies and wondering if any of them had ever experienced what happened to me. Then I started thinking, how is anyone happy? Whether or not you lose a baby, I’m sure you’ve experienced other kinds of loss. The loss of a parent, a spouse, a brother/sister. How does anyone carry on? Luckily I was able to snap myself out of that pretty quickly so it was more of a blip on the radar and didn’t ruin my night.
 
This morning was the Earth Day cleanup, and it was kinda terrible! It rained the whole time, and it was a rain or shine event so there I was with my neighbor and her four sons picking up trash on the side of the road in rain. For three hours. I feel good about volunteering my time for a good cause, and I believe it was a good cause, but I wish it hadn’t been raining. Afterwards there was a pizza party, and I am never one to say no to pizza, so at least I got a free lunch. Of course I was wet and cold but the pizza was warm so I guess it worked out.
 
Tonight The Husband and I are spending a low key night home with our pets. We will probably order in food and I rented The Heat from Netflix so we are going to watch that. I am totally good with that and want to rest up for the big 5k tomorrow! I don’t think I am ready for it but I am looking forward to it anyway. I doubt my time will be as good as it was last year but I’m still a work in progress.
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One Response to "I don’t know why I’m supposed to care."

  1. Pingback: Birthday Friends | Sweeping Up the Broken Pieces

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