What if….

I hate the “what if’s” as I call them. The days or nights when you just keep wondering and your mind keeps going and it’s hard to stop. What if there is something wrong with me? What if I try again, and I can’t get pregnant? What if I try again, and I do get pregnant? What if there is something wrong with my eggs and every baby has an abnormality? What if there is something wrong with The Husband’s sperm? What if something even WORSE happens next time?

What if this was the universe’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be a mother? All through my 20’s I always said I never wanted children. Then when I hit 30, I decided I did and we started TTC. What changed? I don’t know. But what if my instinct in my 20’s was correct? 

When I get in these moods and start talking to The Husband about it, he always responds with the following – “What if my aunt had balls? She’d be my uncle.”

I get the point, but not very helpful!

Busy day at work today. I did my core class in the afternoon (I have never felt so fat in my life and cannot watch myself in the mirror anymore, form be damned!) Then after work went for a run. I still had energy to burn so went to Target to get a few things we needed for the house and to restock my raspberry leaf tea. I have been getting the Traditional Medicinals brand there and I like it. Tonight was “Taco Night” for dinner. It is the only meal The Husband cooks that I actually like, so I never pass it up when he’s going to cook it.

 

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