So after a mild moment of anger, bitterness and sadness today at work the rest of the day went okay. The Husband and I went golfing after work with another couple. We golfed only nine holes, which is fine by me. That’s about all I can handle before I totally lose interest, get bored and cranky and otherwise ruin the experience for him. The Husband is an avid golfer and golfs several times a week. I started golfing three years ago, to appease him, and golf about three times a year. I go to humor him because it is his favorite activity and I want to be supportive. So I give him three rounds a year.
The weather was nice, maybe could have stood to be a few degrees warmer especially when the sun started going down. I found myself constantly distracted by the air traffic. The planes going in to Logan must have been routed over the golf course tonight. They were low enough to see and hear them distinctly, but high enough so you couldn’t see the color of the plane or airline. And the traffic was consistent. So I kept staring off up at the planes, wondering who was on them? Where are they going? Where are they coming from? Not sure why. And I still managed to golf pretty well despite the distraction.
Tomorrow marks eight weeks and no period. I don’t know if I am going to call the doctor tomorrow. I really do not want to go in for an appointment. I know it isn’t the doctor’s fault, or the staff’s fault, and they didn’t cause me to lose my baby. But I feel like I am supposed to be going to them for pregnancy visits, to see my baby, hear a heartbeat. Not because my damn period won’t come back and now I am a sad sack. And what if they do some sort of tests and something is wrong with me? So part of me does not want to call them, and to just keep waiting it out. The other part of me wants to know immediately and doesn’t want to wait another second. Is it possible to be two people at once?