So I was having an okay day until this evening. I did grocery shopping, started week 6 of Couch to 5k. Did about ten minutes of core/ab work after my run. Had lunch, took a nap. Had dinner at my mother’s house with her, her boyfriend, my grandmother and husband. Of course it would not last.
Today was my best friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. I called her when I got the invitation and told her I just couldn’t go. I could not go and see all the people, all our friends, with their happy little families. Their perfect little babies. As much as I love her, and her daughter, I knew it would not be good for me. She understood and said that was fine. Not to worry about it. The kid is only one, and if she ever asks in 20 years if I was there then she would lie for me. I don’t feel guilty about not going. I didn’t hesitate about it at all. I sent a card with a gift certificate to Toys ‘R Us last week.
Now her husband made this post on Facebook thanking everyone who went and how it was such a good time. Tagged a lot of our friends. Except us. We weren’t there. That just really annoyed me – not so much that he did that, but that all of our mutual friends were there celebrating and having a good time. Not us. They were all there with their happy little families watching their kids run around or do whatever it is that they do at birthday parties. Telling their war stories and all the funny things their kids do. And I was out running three miles by myself and pushing myself to do stupid core exercises. It just makes me feel sad for myself and left out.
So what did I do? Deactivated my Facebook account. Who needs it? Seriously, why do I need to know every mundane thing about everybody’s life? See all the phoniness, all the dumb posts that I don’t care about, everyone’s opinions on everything. I don’t need it right now. I probably don’t ever need it but certainly not now.
Still no period. But I did start drinking the Raspberry Leaf Tea. To me it tasted like a black tea and I enjoyed it. Normally with tea I add a bit of milk and sugar or honey, but I drank this black. I am actually enjoying my second cup of the day as I sit and type this. I took a baby aspirin today, but I’m not sure if I should start taking it now. I think I should wait until I am actively trying to conceive. Also, I lost my baby due to a chromosomal problem, not a uterine lining problem. So I’m not sure if it will even help me in my quest to deliver a live, healthy baby. Of course, I can’t do any of that until I have two cycles and I haven’t even had one yet. So all this does is push me further back. I probably won’t even get to try again until summer at the rate I am going. I’m not the most patient person but I am trying. Patience is a virtue, so I’ve heard.